follicology update

/ emmykay / 10 Comments

Well, good news/bad news.

Good news: the follicle (one) grew.

Bad news: it’s only 12mm (barely).  It needs to be at least 18mm for the doctor to rupture the follicle and perform IUI.

I am trying to be positive, but it’s a bit disheartening.  I know God has a plan, and I am confident in that.  I just need to be hopeful that it will work out, but be prepared for it not to.  Two such extremes, I know.

Please keep praying because the fact that the follicle grew is great!  It just needs to grow a little bit faster.  It would have been much worse – the follicles could have shrunk… that wouldn’t have been very hopeful at all.

More on this, I am sure, at a later time.  Thanks so much for all of your prayers!

On a side note: Frank and I are starting to try a more organic diet.  Anyone have suggestions on this??

addendum

/ emmykay / 2 Comments

I was a little dramatic with my post last night, so I feel that I should add an addendum explaining the situation a little bit better.

My follicles (developing eggs) are at 9 mm.  Over 5 days, my follicles only grew 1 mm (normal growth rates are 2mm per day).  In order for them to be ruptured, they need to be at 18 mm.  Hopefully, my body will kick into gear and remember how to grow a follicle (we were doing so well with that, little ovaries!).  I have a third follicology on Thursday to see if my ovaries do anything.  It’s looking like, if these follicles grow at a faster pace, we will do the IUI next week – possibly. 

It’s hard to tell with my doctor whether or not she’s optimistic because she’s an optimistic person – or if she’s optimistic because it’s an optimistic situation.  FK feels the same way – it’s hard to tell if she’s just trying to keep our spirits up or if she genuinely means it.  I guess, from her perspective, fertility has so many variables and a woman’s cycle can vary greatly from month to month, she probably expects the unexpected to some degree.

It’s not that I’ve lost hope entirely.  I just think that the month after month of weird test results and the bad-news-good-news ride, I am having a hard time seeing a positive outcome on this. 

I know that God hears my prayers.  I know that it is entirely within the realm of His capabilities to bless us with a child.

Will He?  I hope so. 

My emotions have been all over the place with this cycle.  I don’t know how much of this is from the medication (probably 75%?) and how much is from weariness (25%).  It’s hard when your emotions and your body do not feel like your own.

That being said, we’re going to give this a few more cycles.  My doctor said that the second and third cycles of IUI are usually the best chances.

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers.  We both really, really appreciate it.  Please keep praying!!

follicology part deux

/ emmykay / 7 Comments

Well, today did not go as well as hoped.

The largest follicle last Thursday was 8 mm and today it was… 9 mm.  Hm.

Because the follicles grew, allbeit not by very much, the doctor has some hope.  I have a follow up study on Thursday night to see if they grow at all.

To be honest, I wasn’t very optimistic going into tonight – and I’m not very optimistic about it moving forward.

I used to be able to vividly imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and have a baby.

It’s getting harder and harder to imagine that.

one week from today…

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is our 6 year anniversary.

Six years ago one week seemed like an eternity.  The minutes and hours didn’t seem to go fast enough.  I could not wait!

Five years ago, we were moving up to Milwaukee.

Four years ago, we were in New York visiting the set of the Today Show.

Three years ago, we were in Colorado, traveling up to Pike’s Peak and enjoying a lovely dinner in Colorado Springs.

Two years ago, we were living in Milwaukee, enjoying our home and our life.  Frank had just finished his upgrade to Jet Captain.

One year ago, our life was in upheaval.  We were selling our home in Wisconsin, living with my parents, Frank had just been laid off (again), I was in the midst of planning season at an ad agency and in the midst of it all, we were trying to figure out what our new normal was going to be.

And today, here we are, settled in our home in Illinois.  Frank is back at an airline.  I am at a new job.  We have been blessed beyond anything we could have imagined, six years ago.  What a crazy adventure.  God has been so gracious with us.

I love you, FK.  More than you know.

TM,A.

i recently saw this quote…

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from a guy named Dr. Lin Yutang:

“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”

Dr. Yutang lived from 1895 to 1976.

He was married and had three daughters.

They were all authors.

And his statement made me a bit frustrated: Is being a mother a right?

If it is a right, why isn’t everyone a mother that wants to be?

Because it is NOT a right.

However: I can agree that being a mother is a blessing.  I believe that is a true statement.

And I can even agree with the concept that every woman has some degree of mothering in her – though it may manifest itself in different ways.

Like, for example, I mother projects and relationships – as in nurture, coach, encourage, grow.

But to say that of a woman’s rights, that the greatest is to be a mother…

Well, that statement doesn’t hold water when speaking of women in general.

So why do I care?  It’s just a quote from a guy.

I care because statements like that perpetuate, to me, a wrong belief that the greatest thing that a woman can do is to have children.  And that by virtue of being a woman, that we are entitled to having children.

The greatest thing that anyone can do is live the life and purpose that God gave you.

I am not (by virtue of being alive and being female) entitled to more than the basic rights afforded to me by my country.  The Bill of Rights does not mention the right of parenthood.

And to be clear, there is a significant and substantial difference between being allowed the right to pursue happiness versus the right to be happy. Everyone in the US has the right PURSUE happiness, but whether or not you ARE is entirely up to you.

Having children is not a right. Having children is a blessing.

And mothering isn’t just for those women who have children, it’s for women who care deeply and passionately about anything or anyone.  I’ve had many mothers in my career – I’ve even been adopted by a few in my new job.  These women check in on me, ask me how things are going, give me coaching advice, help me develop strategies – and not for their own benefit, but just because they are gifted at mothering.

“Of all of the attributes of women, one of the greatest is the ability to mother.”

snippets

/ emmykay / 2 Comments

Mary, Mary, Quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

… Not as big as we thought it might.  I went to the doctor.  Follicles are tiny.  Only 50% the size they need to be.  Going to go back Tuesday night for a follow-up study.  If they look better (which they should) then we can do the IUI on Wednesday.  If they need more time to bake, we’re targeting next Friday.  Get growing, follicles!

***

So, clearly I am still learning at my new job.  Here is how a meeting went today.

Boss, Director, Manager, Smart Legal Guy 1 (Burns) and Smart Legal Guy 2 (Smithers) + me go into a meeting.

Boss: We are all gathered here today to talk about the XYZ district on the DEU 12S23 parcel which is part of proposition 239LEG339-3-4-1-R4.
Me: ::nodding::
Burns: Very interesting.  Well,  I had a thought.  I was thinking that if we could extend the LIQ district while balancing out the CLAS parcel we could then see a positive cash flow on the differentials forwarded to escrow funded educational tax bracket bipartisan docket agenda platform.
Me: ::nodding::
Director: ::grunting:: I see what you’re saying… so you could possibly do the deal on the upside without the downside in the (and at this point, I can’t even make anything else up, so it sounded like, “blah blah blah”)
Me: ::furrowing eyebrows::
Manager: So this is pretty much amazing, is that what I’m hearing?
Burns: Yes, I am pretty much brilliant.
Boss: I agree.
Me: ::nodding enthusiastically! writing down various letters and abreviations – Must Google later!::
Smithers: Any questions?
Me: Nope!

***

I am over my sickness from the weekend, but have branched into a new and exciting sickness: a massive cold.
Oh yes.  That’s right.  Does it get any more fun??

follicology

/ emmykay / 2 Comments

Otherwise known as the study of follicles.

I get to spend a delightful 20 minutes with my favorite ultra sound tech tomorrow.  She is so kind.  Every time I see her, she reminds me that she needs to lower the table before I try to jump off.  If that doesn’t say “customer service,” then I don’t know what does.

We’ll find out tomorrow where we are with the growth and development of follicles.  Once we see how my garden is growing, my doc will be able to tell me what’s next.  Please pray for us!

In other news:  this is the time where I really start my diet and exercise plan.  For real. Serious.  No messing around.

Onward!

dragging my face on the cool tile floor

/ emmykay / 4 Comments

sounds like a really good idea right now.

There are times in my life when I think about doing the darnedest things.  For a long time I wondered about opening the car door while driving.

Why?

I don’t know.  It just seemed like a good idea.

Not to worry, I wouldn’t ever do it, but man, it was a provocative thought.

I’ve also wondered about biting into a bar of Irish Spring soap.  Just really sinking my teeth into it and chewing on it.

Irish Spring does not smell yummy like cookies or brownies, but mmmm… ::CHOMP!::

Considering my track record, I guess it’s not surprising that I have these thoughts.

And unfortunately, at work, we have a LOT of ceramic tile.  Some of it is even on the walls.  And it looks deliciously cool. 

My face pines for you, oh lovely, cool, ceramic floors.

mmmmm.

And that’s why I think I might be a touch under the weather.

what's the plan?

/ emmykay / 1 Comment

ok, before I get into the plan with our fertility, I would just like to interrupt letting you all know how much I love our DVR.

I. Love. It.

I paused the TV to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

I didn’t have to wait for a commercial!

***

Moving on.

So we are back in the fertility loop, yet again.  I started clomid again yesterday.  Thursday we have a follicle study and we’ll get a better idea of how the follicles are developing.  Once we know how they look, we’ll set up what the exact next steps are for the IUI.

We are really praying that the IUI (basically insemination) works.  Our fertility program is recommending 3 cycles of IUI.  After that, we’re just going to have to see what our options are for addressing our fertility and expanding our family.

As always, we would love your prayers.  Here are a few things that we could use specific prayer for:

1. That we would seek to glorify God first in all of this.  No matter the result, our focus needs to be on Him.  This is difficult to remember.

2. That we would have peace, no matter the result.

3. That God would bless us with children.

That’s about it.  Now back to the TV show I’ve had on “pause” for the past 30 minutes.  I LOVE this DVR biz!