OK, so I’m totally on a writing frenzy, so I’m going with it.
A few days ago my girlfriend from high school sent me a note that I wrote with her when we were seniors. It was a list of things that I hoped I’d do with my life and the characteristics of the man I’d hoped I’d marry.
The thing is, and totally unrelated to the content of my letter, receiving that note was TOTALLY awkward. Like looking at a vivid reflection of myself from High School. It was…
Such. An. Awkward. Time!
I know there are lots of people out there who are “amen”ing me. “Yes, Em, totes. High school was SO awkward.”
And I appreciate that. I really do. But here are three reasons why my high school experience was more awkward than yours. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Right here. Bam.
Thing 1: Naturalizers
I wear a size 12 shoe. When I was in high school, it was horrific trying to find a cute pair of size 12 shoes that looked like something that a high school student would wear. Remember, I was in high school in the era of the movie Clueless. Flannel grunge was on the way out and cute little Mary Jane shoes and strappy sandals were in.
Cue me: a giant girl wearing beige suede naturalizer lace up shoes. For real. This happened.
And I was GRATEFUL for those shoes. Compared to what was available to me, these shoes were downright smokin’ hot. Nevermind that a 90 year old grandma sashayed out of the store with the same.exact.pair.
Mad props to my mom because that woman HATES shopping – passionately – and she felt so bad about my shoe situation that she tracked down a small boutique shoe store that specialized in weird shoe sizes and bought me whatever she could find. When the internets came around, but before shopping online was hip, she would track down bizarre shoe catalogs in hopes of finding a new resource for shoes. That is how sad and tragic my shoe situation was. And awkward.
Very, very awkward.
Thing 2: They Called Me Grace…
… to be ironic.
You guys, and I cannot make this up, I chipped my tooth taking my cello out of its case.
Yes, you read that right. It happened. I had emergency dental work due to an ORCHESTRA injury.
Who does that?
I broke my foot taking a lead-off from a base during one of the first softball games of the season.
I also got my tongue stuck in my braces. Who does that? Me. No one else. Just me.
Hot, awkward mess.
Thing 3: From the Ankles Up
My shoe situation definitely deserved its own horrific category. But, man a live, if you saw what was coming at you down the band hall from the ankles up, you would’ve been very concerned.
First, you would’ve likely noticed the color of my socks.
“Why is that?” you may ask. “Did you have especially cool socks?”
No. There was just a three inch gap between my sweet naturalizer kicks and the hem of my jeans.
And oh, my jeans. MY JEANS! My sister and I spent more than one occasion hugging and crying in Kohls due to a lack of long jeans.
When your choice is between four inches of ankle showing and three inches of ankle showing, you sort of don’t notice the elastic waistband at the top, holding the whole hot mess together.
Ya know what I mean?
Yes, I am trying to tell you that I wore elastic waistband jeans for like, three or four years. It wasn’t pretty.
So when I say that I had a vivid picture of the me in high school, writing the me today a letter about my hopes and dreams, I cannot help but cringe at the whole… ensemble.
It’s no wonder I feel a kinship with the ermahgerd meme. It hits just a little to close to home.
Ermagherd! Yer gers! Nertereezers! (translation: OMG! You guys! Naturalizers!)