Knots in my tummy…

Work gives me knots in my tummy. Every time I turn around, I’m worried that I or we are somehow in trouble with someone. I feel like I can’t ever do my job right and that I always have to justify myself and the things I do. It’s just not happiness. You have to wonder–is this really for me??

Balance

I have decided that for every time I whine, I must find something happy to report. Well, I am happy to report that I didn’t eat lunch today because the knots in my tummy made me not hungry. Sigh. That was a terrible attempt.

How about this: Frank makes me happy when he calls me at work. And it’s Thursday, so I get to see him! YAY!!

But I’m still at work. Gotta bust a move so I can get out of here by 7!

Have a good night!

THE DATE!!!

Mark your calendars–Frank and I are gettin’ hitched on Friday, September 19, 2003! Both of us are quite excited and know that there is a lot that needs to be done between now and this fall. So we have the church, the reception hall and my dress. We have appointments with a florist and a photographer. When Caitlin comes home, we will look for bridesmaids’ dresses.

The Line Up:

And now, your official R-K Wedding Line Up (on the bride’s side):

Maid of Honor – Caitlin R (sister of the bride)

Bridesmaids – Karen K (sister of the groom), Kathryn V (sister of the groom)

Jr. Bridesmaid of Honor – Sarah R (sister of the bride)

Frank still needs to ask his best man and the other groomsman, but he has already asked Andy R (my brother).

Wedding Updates

Right now Frank and I are looking to push the wedding up to October 2003 (yes, this year). The only trouble we are having is finding a reception hall–hmph! I’m sure we’ll uncover something… it will just take a little more looking than usual.

Clampet Updates

My family is the shame of our neighborhood. First, my brother’s friend took out our mailbox with his car. My dad decided to replace it with a cinderblock creation that makes the neighbors cringe. Last night my parents brought home the pop up camper. Fortunately for the neighbors we decided to open it up in the garage rather than on our front lawn… 🙂

Frank

Speaking of the camper, Frank says that he is not going camping with us unless my parents go flying with him. Folks, it looks like what we have here is a stalemate!

Crazzzzzzy…

Right now my tummy is in knots. My back is in knots. I didn’t sleep well last night–my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts. I weighed about 4 #s more than I usually do. I am an emotional wreck.

“Doggy Food”

To highlight my hysteria, I am going to relate to you a true story. Please, when you see Frank, hug him and hold him. He needs it in this hour of need.

Frank and I were sitting outside of church in the car on a bright and sunny Wednesday. We had been pleasantly talking before we went in to see Danny, our pastor. La la la. Something reminded me of a story about my little sister, Sarah. I started to tell Frank this story:

So when Sarah learned how to crawl, she developed a passion for dog food. Often she’d be playing innocently with her toys in the family room when she would notice that someone forgot to close the laundry room door (where we stored the doggy dish) and she would be at the bowl in a flash. Eventually we would realize that Sarah was missing and we didn’t even hesitate to run to the dog bowl. There she would be, crouching over the bowl, shoveling the delightful morsels into her full cheeks. She would see me coming, running at this point, and her little fists would begin to shake in panic. She tried to shovel faster, but her face was at capacity. I can still see her, a halo of blonde hair around her face, rosy red, stuffed cheeks puffed out with dog food and big blue eyes staring up at me as I leaned down to “sweep” the dog food out of her cheeks.

It was this vision of Sarah that caused me to laugh hysterically on Wednesday. I could hardly breath as I was relating this story to Frank. I looked at him in the midst of my laughing fit and suddenly, without any control, I burst into tears. I sobbed while Frank’s face showed only terror. The thoughts passing through his mind were clear: PANIC! PANIC! MAY-DAY!!!! You should have seen it! So then I started laughing and crying simultaneously. And Frank, hands open in disbelief shook his head.

Later Frank asked our pastor if this is what happens when you make your girlfriend your wife. I hope he’s not having second thoughts 🙂

Mountain Ranges

I know I usually write amusing things on my blogspot, but with the abundance of serious decisions and serious world affairs, I have a lot of very serious things on my mind. Perhaps that has been my mental block in writing anything meaningfully funny here.

Frank and I are getting married. This sunk in a few nights ago. Yes, it took a little bit to really hit me… but when it did, it was like standing at the base of a gigantic mountain and looking straight up to it’s highest peaks. I was filled with joy because of how breathtaking it is. But at the same time–GULP! What a huge commitment!! This is not something to take lightly. As he reminds me (daily), we just need to take it one step at a time.

Beyond that mountain is an entire mountain range of new futures and new lives. How will this world be for our children? Your children? What kind of legacy are we leaving behind? Is this world really better than when we first entered it? How can I do my part? Is working on a media plan something that improves our culture? Our world? How does this all fit into the big picture?

Things get done by taking on manageable pieces. Do what you can do in a day and then rest. I forget this a lot.

Those are my thoughts. Cheesy as they may be.

Phew!!

Well, Frank’s parents met my parents and everything was A-OK. The glass of wine helped 🙂 We ate at La Titi de Paris and it was lovely. I think that now that we’ve made it through that, we are going to be able to make it through the rest of the wedding!

Chocolatey Goodness

Even though today is crappy and cold and I have miserable cramps, walking off the train to lovely wafts of chocolate definitely helped!

Okay, I will have more to tell everyone later. CAFFEINE TIME!!!

Where, oh where did my HEAD go!?

I believe I have taken up permanent residence on cloud 9. Distracted by the excitement of planning a wedding and marrying Frank, I have neglected to bring my head with me where ever I go. I walk into rooms and forget why I went there. I leave the room and remember what I had gone in there for. I leave my cell phone and building pass at home. I walk into door frames and leave my debit card on my desk at work (it was still there in the morning).

I also have delusions of grandeur, while I’m at it. I believe that I am Martha Stewart meets Super Woman. I envision myself making 50 or so center pieces. This is hogwash since I don’t have the artsy craftsy attention to make it through small sewing projects with my mom. I have visions of hand made invitations, Martha Stewart-esque bridesmaids gifts and a homemade groom’s cake for the wedding. This insanity also has me believing that I will find the perfect dress in two minutes and that once we have the guest list, the place and the date–the rest of the wedding will be NO sweat.

FOCUS!

The real task at hand is getting through this week. Work has been okay (thank goodness!), but the preliminary wedding stuff is crazy! Frank and I are not sure of the date (although we are telling people 8/28/04). Tonight Frank’s parents are meeting my parents (holy crap batman!). I’m not really nervous about it (lies, lies, lies) because I have confidence (wow, more lies) that our families will hit it off (hopefully not with fists…). And besides, it’s my wedding (and Frank’s too) and no one can tell me what to do.

Did I mention the delusions??

I am, by nature, very prone to wanting to please everyone. Maybe I will have to crack open the Dr. Phil book I got last Easter (entitled “Self Matters”) for some weekend reading. So anyway, where this is going is that while I have made it my mantra “THIS IS MY WEDDING” I will probably find myself saying, “Oh, I guess we can go with the lilac fluffy bridesmaid dresses… sure, I think we should invite our cousin’s cousin’s children’s dog… and, no, I don’t mind shaving my head–tradition IS tradition I suppose…” I may as well roll over right now.

Vacation

I had intentions of relating my very exciting vacation experience to all of you, but I am distracted (see my section called “FOCUS!”) and if you really want to know, I’ll tell you later. Just know Frank and I made it home. And Frank is pealing.

Vacation: DAY 2-3

So, while we toured Florida, visiting all of the finest airports in the region, we discovered a few things about Floridians.

Vrooom!

First of all, they are terrible drivers. The great state of Florida has permitted drivers to jet along their expansive freeways at high speeds of 70 mph. For us Illinoisians, this is like romping in the Garden of Eden. WOOHOO! I thought as I saw the posted speed limit signs.

Turns out that Floridians have earned that limit despite the fact that fewer than 10% of the drivers actually travel at these speeds. Oh, no. These drivers go at about 35 mph. This is terrible! First to not take advantage of your god-given right to cruise along at speeds that other states would envy. Secondly, there are a lot of turns and curves. Many times I rounded a corner and find a car just crawling along. I had to stand on the brakes to avoid a collision!

Moo…

Cows. Florida has a lot of cows. This means that sometimes cows get tipped. We saw one cow sort of floundering around in a field. It was sad–yet quite funny.

Decorating…

Here in Illinois we run across our occasional pink flamingo… but in Florida we came across an 11 ft long cement alligator with neon orange eyes. While that was quite impressive, it wasn’t as cool as the homemade tank in the next yard. CRAZY!

Vacation: DAY 1

Sunday was beautiful in Chicago–nearly 60 degrees. Craig M picked us up and drove us to the airport at 10:45 that morning–despite his wild Saturday night.:-) Arriving at the airport in plenty of time, I decided to take advantage of some yogurt with little M&Ms and hot fudge. Yum! Unfortunately, as is usually the case, my eyes were bigger than my tummy and I wound up passing the rest of the yogurt on to Frank. Such a good fiance.

We boarded the plane and got cozy with our knees tucked under our chins–airplanes, as it turns out, are not made for tall people. Ah, the irony.

Once all the passengers were on board, the captain backed the plane out of the gate and we were off! Whee!

And then we came back.

See, if the hydrolic fluid is leaking in the wing, this means that there could be trouble either taking off or landing. This repair is also a 24 hour repair. We deboarded. Once back in the terminal, we saw a line of over 150 to get rerouted. Fortunately a very friendly young man directed us back to the ticket agents where we came in.

After a little negotiating, we managed to get bulk head seats from Chicago to Atlanta and first class from Atlanta to Tampa. We also got a free meal. Yum. More food!

The rest of our trip to Tampa went fairly smoothly… and then there was the rental car.

BEND OVER–and grab your ankles, please…

Frank was getting the luggage and I decided to run over and get the rental car. I was feeling pretty ferocious after our negotiations with the ticket lady. Once at the counter, however, my ferocity dissipated. The gentleman at the counter helped me assume the “take me for everything I got” position.

“Under 25? hmmm… Do you want our insurance package?” I thought about it. I thought that perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

“Sure,” I said.

“Okay, that’ll be $37.99 per day. Great,” he said. He was so smooth that I couldn’t even figure out how to say no. I looked over at Frank who was now sitting on some benches, waiting for me to return with the car keys. He had no idea, the poor boy, what kind of mess I was getting myself into. Like a silent choking victim, I could only plead with my eyes. My plea was SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!! But I think he thought I was making eyes at him so he gave me his best James Dean smile and kind of winked. Crap.

I turned around to look at the car guy, who was now writing my liver and kidneys into the contract, smiled warmly at me.

“Just for you, I have the Ford Explorer,” he said, handing me some keys. I was signing and initialing–but what, I wasn’t sure. I think my firstborn now has to be named Budget.

Frank came up to me, smiling and patting my shoulders. If he only knew…

How did it happen!?

Frank and I have known each other since we were wee freshman at our respective universities. We met at Illini Life’s Saturday Night Grace service when I visited our mutual friend, John Nichols, in December of ’98. Sure, it would be nice to say that it was happily ever after, but that was not the case. Instead Frank and I gradually became close friends over the four years we were in college. It wasn’t until Frank took a job in the Chicagoland area that we were able to spend more time together.

Last week, Frank said that he wanted to have a date night. So at 6 p.m., amidst the protests and craziness, Frank picked me up from work. He looked simply dashing in a suit and tie. Ow-ow!!! When I asked him where we were going, he said, “Portillos–I just wanted to get you in a skirt!” Always the comedian 😉

Anyway, we parked in the Hancock and walked across the street to Bloomingdale’s to do a little shoppy-shop. YAY! What girl doesn’t love a little post-work shopping?? Then we had cocktails in the Four Seasons and I was definitely feeling refreshed from my day of working. Ahhhh!

We walked back across the street to the Hancock and took the elevators up to the 95th floor–the Signature Room!

THE PROPOSAL

The host seated us near the windows on the north side of the building. We had some delicious bread and ordered our dinners. (Salmon for me, Filet for Frank, just in case you were wondering). The view was mesmerizing and we pretty much daydreamed out the window for a while.

After our delicious meal, we sat back in our chairs, chatting about work and life and so on. I was telling him about all the uncertainties in my life, etc.

“Oh!” he said, “I forgot to give you that book last night.” (Frank said he had a book for me the night before, but I forgot about it…)

He handed me a small, square book wrapped in tissue paper. I opened it. “For the Bride.” WHAT???!!!! I looked up at Frank. All I could see was his face. The rest of the room disappeared. I almost couldn’t breath! He had an open box in front of him and I knew it was a ring, but that’s about it.

I must have squawked. I think I said yes.

“Is that a yes?” asked Frank, smiling.

“Yes yes yes yes yes!” I said, my hands shaking and my heart pounding.