Thoughts

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Thoughts on the Pope.

1. It is easy for me to forget that in other parts of the world, freedom of speech and thought are not tolerated.

2. If Islam is going to take over the world, you’d think they would be more confident about it and remain undeterred by comments from a Pope. Instead, there are protests, shootings and violence. That does not sound like a group of people who really have faith.

3. Yeah, the Pope knew that his comments were going to anger Muslims. And yet, they are prooving his point by responding with violence.

Vay-cay!

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Frank and I had the most amazing vacation Thursday, Friday and Saturday. We flew into Denver early on Thursday morning and caught a shuttle down to Colorado Springs (referred to as The Springs by the locals). We picked up our rental car (a red Dodge Caravan with “all the bells and whistles” – which thankfully did not include kids) and headed off to Pikes Peak.

At Pikes Peak, we experienced a torrential downpour, a fantastic display of lightening and thunder and hail. As we rode the cog railway up the side of the mountain, the weather cleared up. On the ride up the mountain, we saw the smallest town (Ruxton Park, pop’n 2), old fur trappers’ cabins, and a clearing where an old hotel used to stand. When we got to the top, it started to snow! Crazy!!

We came back down the mountain, stopped at our hotel room, changed and went to downtown Springs for dinner. The dinner we had downtown was absolutely amazing!! I know, The Melting Pot is a chain, but it was our first time going there together. The hostess sat us in a private, two person booth – very cozy. Dinner probably took over 3 hours, but it was awesome. We caught up on a great variety of things, reflected on the past 3 years of marriage and just enjoyed eachother.

While we sat there, it helped me get some great perspective on a huge part of who I am. I love spending time with Frank – he makes me laugh, we have great conversations and a wonderful time together. He is strong, smart, quick-witted, funny, kind and fair in all things. He is such a huge blessing – I feel so grateful that we are together, life partners, roommates – whatever you want to call it 🙂 He is truly my better half.

The next day (Friday) we went hiking at Garden of the Gods. We made up a few dances based on rock climbing terms. I’m sure Frank would prefer that I not share those terms and motions with the general reading public, but I assure you, it was good stuff.

Later Frank and I drove up to Denver to see Greg Proops (sounds like Poops with an “r” in it). He was hilarious! We had the best time!!!

Thanks, Frank, for a wonderful vacation!!!

who am i?

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I have had this blog for over 3 years – it is little more than a conglomoration of events, snippets of feelings and a few opinions. It’s not much of a diary and it’s really not a very good journal. I look back on my earlier posts like they were written by someone else and I think they are kind of funny – but sad, too, because I wish I had retained a little bit more of that person before.

At my current job, I feel like I am standing on a beach as the tide is coming in. As I am standing here, grains of sand are sliding out from under my feet and I am getting dragged further and further out to sea. I want to laugh it off, I want to pretend like it’s not big deal, yet at the same time, I notice subtle changes. I notice that I fear being wrong, that before I think something through, I panic. My new mantra has been “work the problem,” because I found that I have been sucked into “panic first, figure out who made the mistake, panic some more, figure out what the problem is.” I realize that I admire my dad more and more the longer I work. I know everyone loves their parents, and I have to say, I know my parents are human, but my dad is a compassionate bulldog: he figures out what’s wrong, works through it and follows up on it later. I wish I could be more like him.

I noticed that lately I have been driving ahead of the headlights. I have been anticipating problems way too far down the road and trying to resolve those along with the problems directly in front of me. I realized that I never end the day with a good stopping point – just another commitment that I am usually already late for.

I also noticed that I do not make my marriage the priority it ought to be. This is heartbreaking to me because there is no one on this planet I love more than Frank. He is, hands down, the most amazing man I know. He is patient and direct. He makes me a priority. And he loves me unconditionally. It doesn’t get much better than that.

So yeah, I have some things to work out. I wonder how much more I’m going to allow myself to be shaped by my job. I wonder how much more I will give up, how much of me can be checked at the door. I work with some great people, I don’t want to shortchange that at all. It’s complicated.

And yet, it’s not so complicated. It’s just a little 3 word question: Who am I?

And I am pretty sure that who I am is many things, but it can be best summed up by the order of my priorities – which should be 1) God, 2) Husband, 3) Family 4) work. It’s just that sometimes pesky number 4 gets ahead of the list. So easy to explain in theory, so hard to practice in life.

That’s all.

the next great American novel

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I am going to write the next great American novel and it is going to change national perception about milwaukee. Yeah, that’s right – beer, brats and cheese no more, this fair city is going to be known for her hard working citizens, beautiful lake views and vibrant night life. Well, the night life isn’t quite like NYC, but we have some great festivals. And people. This novel is going to rock.

Here we go:

Once upon a time, there was a girl who dreamed of moving someplace warm and exotic, south of the Mason-Dixon line. Instead, she moved to Milwaukee. And she loved it.

I think I need a little more work on the opening, but it’s a start. Maybe I should pick a different intro than “once upon a time.” It seems a bit cliche and somewhat overdone. like the dinner I made the other day. Ha.

Second try:

So yeah, in about 2004 there was a girl, me, who wanted to move south to Cowboy country. I never, in a million and a half years, would have thought I’d be living in Milwaukee, but here I am. And I love it. But not more than ice cream. That would be sacriligious or something.

Okay, better. Not really. 🙂

oh, baby!

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Congratulations to Jeff and Amy S who just had their first baby! She is a little girl named Lucia Raye (not sure how they are spelling it) and was born at 3:30pm yesterday. We are so excited for both of them and they are our first close friends to have a baby, which is very exciting. But it also means we are now very old. Ancient.

How quickly I dive into depression. 🙂 Ha.

Anyway, I was looking around in the Bible for a verse to sum it all up, and this is what I found in Luke:

15People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

That sums up our excitement.

what a weekend.

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Well, first of all, to anyone who wants to go through marital bootcamp, I say put in a paver patio. While I’m sure that the results will be lovely, working in the 100 degree weather, full sun, and moving 30+ lb bags of crushed lime can be a bit trying.

In other news, Frank is flying tonight and I am taking a break from reading for work. Last night we were supposed to go to the OAR concert (sorry d & e!), but instead wound up going to church and then I went into work until 11:45 pm. The good news is that I got a lot accomplished. It’s just not the best way to spend a Saturday night. Grr.

Anyway, that’s my update for now.

hypo-who?

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So after a fantastic afternoon with my dear friend Tammy, I am thinking a lot about what we discussed. Mostly, we caught up on family and friends and happenings, but we had some time to really discuss God’s vision for our lives, what God designed us to do, and the frustration of often not knowing what the next step was.

Something else we discussed was judgement, sin and heaven. A lot of things have been on my mind, but this is one thing I feel compelled to write about. We, as humans cannot determine or judge who is going to heaven or to hell. Only God knows our hearts. But I do know that the one sure way to heaven is through faith in Jesus as our Savior that died for our sins. God is all that is pure and good and holy and He cannot stand the presence of sin.

That discussion of judgement lead me down the thought path to one of my least favorite words: hypocrites. Per the dictionary, the definition is as follows:

hypocrite (n) : a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he does not hold

No one wants to be a hypocrite, but I have yet to meet a single person who is not. Who does not profess to love God and adhere to specific religious beliefs – and then fall short? If I love God, but am a sinner, I am a hypocrite. If I call myself a Christian, but do not act in love in all things, I am a hypocrite. Since in so many ways I have not lived up to what I believe, I am a hypocrite.

But I think as a Christian, I should confess my sins, turn it over to God and move on. The only thing worse than one sin, is dwelling on the one sin, believing I am beyond hope and continuing to sin. Then, the devil has truly won. But since I know that Jesus triumphed over death and sin, there is hope and reason to reform.

Anyway, all of this reminds me of the Mea Culpa from Catholic mass:

I confess to almighty God,
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done,
and in what I have failed to do;
and I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin,
all the angels and saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord, our God

But I think that Paul says it best in Romans 3:23-24
“23For all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24Yet now God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty. He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins.”

Unfortunately, Paul is right – I do fall short of God’s glorious standard. But the point is not that I fall short, but that God is merciful to those who believe. And that is a great message of hope.

And you can tell everybody…

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… this is our song:

I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe the love you talk about with me
Is it true, do I care
Honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside
But it’s you that you erase
’cause there’s no place that I could be without you
It’s too far to discard the life I once knew
Honestly, all the weather and storms I bring
Are just a picture of my needs
’cause when I think of you as mine
And allow myself with time
To lead into the life we wantI feel loved, honestlyI feel loved, this honestly

I believe you mean the best that life can bring
I believe in it all
Honestly, you can try
Your heart is just as long as mine
Is it ours to let go
’cause there’s no place that I could be without you
It’s too dark to discard the life I once knew
Honestly, a single wrong is not enough
To cover up the pain in us
’cause when I think of you as mine
And allow myself with time
To lead into the life we wantI feel loved, honestly
I’ll make a joke so you must laugh
I’ll break your heart so you must ask
Is this the way to get us back
I don’t know, honestly
I don’t know, this honestly
There’s no place that I could be without you
Honestly

There’s no place that I could be without you
There’s no place that I could gleam without you
There’s no place that I could dream without you
There’s no place that I could be without you

Honestly

since we’re going to blog about it…

/ emmykay / 1 Comment

This is in response to my roommate’s blog on 6/12.

I agree with my roommate that there is pressure for objective individuals to be more in touch with their emotions. But there is also understood pressure for sensitive people to put their emotions aside on a regular basis.

Tests in school aren’t based on emotional intelligence. The reason our check book doesn’t balance isn’t because I am in touch with my sacred inner self (it doesn’t balance because sometimes I forget to include all expenditures – not good). Cleaning the toilets a nd taking out the garbage can be satisfying when they are checked off the list, but do not necessarily lead to spiritual enlightment. Processing billing, negotiating a rate, and using statistical software at work do not require emotional sensitivity. No one has to say, “be more objective and less emotional.” That part is understood.

Not too many people I’ve ever met have been 100% objective – except for this young republican chick I met in college. If you were 100% objective, you would have little concern for other people, unless they could somehow better your cause. If that’s how life was, it would be nice and clean. But life is messy and so are relationships.

But outside of work skills, school skills and basic life survival skills, is the realm of interpersonal relationship skills. Objective people are not usually asked to be more emotionally sensitive when flying a plane. But they are asked to consider compassion, understanding and sensitivity when working with others. Emotional intelligence should be a course in school, right next to algebra and physics.

Maybe the reason that objective people are asked to be more sensitive is because hinting doesn’t work. 🙂

Anyway, what I think I have learned is that good marriages and friendships are messy. And by messy, I mean emotional, raw and, on many levels, somewhat irrational. I agree with Frank that we are each created with special traits (as diametrically opposed as they sometimes are) and that their intermingling can be a bit dirty, but that’s ok. It’s good that I get more accustomed to Frank’s rational view of the universe, and it’s good that he gets acquainted with compassion. Sometimes we need to realize that wild and crazy is ok.

And sometimes we (I) need to remember that there is a time and a place for wild and crazy. Ahem.

Also, I would like to say that I love Frank, even when he doesn’t think I will catch him pouring Hershey’s syrup into his mouth. (Always sanitary, his mouth never touched the bottle.)

Oh the list of things they didn’t cover in premarital counseling is endless.