since we’re going to blog about it…

This is in response to my roommate’s blog on 6/12.

I agree with my roommate that there is pressure for objective individuals to be more in touch with their emotions. But there is also understood pressure for sensitive people to put their emotions aside on a regular basis.

Tests in school aren’t based on emotional intelligence. The reason our check book doesn’t balance isn’t because I am in touch with my sacred inner self (it doesn’t balance because sometimes I forget to include all expenditures – not good). Cleaning the toilets a nd taking out the garbage can be satisfying when they are checked off the list, but do not necessarily lead to spiritual enlightment. Processing billing, negotiating a rate, and using statistical software at work do not require emotional sensitivity. No one has to say, “be more objective and less emotional.” That part is understood.

Not too many people I’ve ever met have been 100% objective – except for this young republican chick I met in college. If you were 100% objective, you would have little concern for other people, unless they could somehow better your cause. If that’s how life was, it would be nice and clean. But life is messy and so are relationships.

But outside of work skills, school skills and basic life survival skills, is the realm of interpersonal relationship skills. Objective people are not usually asked to be more emotionally sensitive when flying a plane. But they are asked to consider compassion, understanding and sensitivity when working with others. Emotional intelligence should be a course in school, right next to algebra and physics.

Maybe the reason that objective people are asked to be more sensitive is because hinting doesn’t work. 🙂

Anyway, what I think I have learned is that good marriages and friendships are messy. And by messy, I mean emotional, raw and, on many levels, somewhat irrational. I agree with Frank that we are each created with special traits (as diametrically opposed as they sometimes are) and that their intermingling can be a bit dirty, but that’s ok. It’s good that I get more accustomed to Frank’s rational view of the universe, and it’s good that he gets acquainted with compassion. Sometimes we need to realize that wild and crazy is ok.

And sometimes we (I) need to remember that there is a time and a place for wild and crazy. Ahem.

Also, I would like to say that I love Frank, even when he doesn’t think I will catch him pouring Hershey’s syrup into his mouth. (Always sanitary, his mouth never touched the bottle.)

Oh the list of things they didn’t cover in premarital counseling is endless.

One thought on “since we’re going to blog about it…

  1. Frank and Emily–I’ve never really wanted to be married (despite having been engaged to be so once upon a time… ummm, but that’s a different story). The idea of inextribly intermingling my life with another’s has always made me sigh and think, “What a mess that would be.”And it would be. But reading your entries about your marriage makes me think that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be all that bad. Yours isn’t a perfect marriage. You don’t walk around with halos above your head and smile at each other, knowing that you’re above the mess of us mere mortals.And that’s comforting. Because above all, when you write about the other, love shines through.Just my thoughts.-L

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