Going Rogue

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Frank likes things to be normal, nice, even-keeled. He is always professional. Even when he and I argue, he is totally logical, professional, rational, respectful, etc.

And then there’s me.

Which leads me to the fact that Frank is not around to manage my birthday greetings to his family. See, in classic FK+EK style, we TOTALLY forgot Dear Brother-in-Law Dave’s birthday. HARD. CORE. Eek. This is kind of a sin. Now, because Dave is a sweet and understanding fella, I am sure he will be totally gracious about our faux pas. The rest of the family will chalk it up to our W&C (wild & crazy) lifestyle. Ah, Frank and Emily – when will you grow up??

So I got Dave a birthday card. I started writing an apology. It went like this:

Dave,
We feel terrible that we missed your birthday.

And then the devil tapped me on my shoulder. “Frank will never see this card. You can be your wacky self. Go for it…”

I’d like to say it was because of the recent alien abduction, but that would be a lie.
We hope that your birthday was amazing!
Love, Frank & Em

So yeah. Somewhere in Vermont, Frank is sitting at a cozy hotel breakfast, feeling very concerned that his wife is veering slightly from the normal path. And the question is not whether or not that feeling is justified – cuz it is – it’s just a matter of wondering what she is doing exactly.

Ah, bring it on world.

The Habitual View of Passing Satellites

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FK and I are working on our 5 yr plan.

It is pretty clear to us that prayer will have to be a habit.

Habits sound boring and mundane.

Sometimes habits sound like obligations – or things you don’t really consider when you do them because, well, habits are second nature.

The very reason we make things habitual is because we will do those things that are habits first.

If I am in the habit of emotionally eating crappy food, when things get emotional I will…

eat.

So when I am trying to become healthy, I try to make eating healthy a habit.

Then when things get emotional I will…

not eat crap. Maybe I will just not eat.

What if I train myself to run when I am stressed? I did that before.

The results were miraculous.

But it takes 3 weeks to form a habit.

And 3 days to break it.

Dirty.

So back to prayer. It needs to be habitual.

If I always pray even during the easy times,

then when the big stuff comes down –

I will pray.

There are bad habits and good habits. But most habits sound impersonal. If FK told me I was a habit, I would be offended. Just a little.

I don’t think that God will be offended if I am obediently seeking Him.

I think He will be delighted.

And I will make better choices because my will will be aligned with His will.

Frank and I talked last night about watching a satellite “set.”

When he flies at night, he sees shooting stars and satellites and the milky way so clearly.

One night, he was flying and he saw a really bright object close by – it was a satellite.

The satellite was so high up that it was still reflecting the light from the sun. The sun was setting and eventually the satellite faded out.

“Hmm, I wonder if you will ever see a satellite rise?” I asked.

“Nah,” Frank replied, “It’s like shooting stars, you never see the shooting star start… you just see where it goes.”

But what if we had our eye on the satellite the whole time? What if we knew where it was? Then we could see it rise.

And maybe that’s how it is with God – if I am trained to look at the sky, not only will I see His hand where I have been, but I will see His hand directing where I will go.

Then I will know where I should go – and I will see the evidence of Him in my life.

Sweetness.

and he's outta here!

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Well, it’s Thursday and the past two days went by sooo quickly. Probably because I cumulatively spent about 8 waking hours with my husband. Good news, though, is that God, through Crew Scheduling, has been so gracious as to give Frank Monday off, so he will be home one day sooner. Yes!

Woot. Woot. 🙂

update from the doctor

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SOOOO… I got my progesterone levels back. I definitely did NOT ovulate this month. My level was a 1. For ovulation, they are hoping that it is over a 10 or 15, if I recall correctly. Dirty.

Ok, so here’s for next month, right??

bummer

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Well, FK is stuck in Atlanta for tonight. It’s ok for me because he wouldn’t have made it home until 1:30 am, anyway. But it is a big bummer for him because he has to go back to his crashpad and then come home early tomorrow.

Ah, the joys of aviation.

conversations at dinner

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… with my family are always delightfully chaotic. Everyone talks at the same time and each person is trying to out-funny the person before. Meanwhile, my mom tries to communicate important family information to us (but she laughs because we got our conversational skillz from her in the first place).

In other news, dear sister Caitlin went to St. Louis for the Zoofari and DID NOT return with cupcakes. I repeat – she did not bring back cupcakes. What is the frickin’ world coming to? Not that I needed cupcakes. I mean, I just went for a run/walk today (mostly walk). Must. Lose. Weight.

But the cupcakes would have been delish.

Mmmm.

what a week!

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wheeew! The week is behind me!! Nothing but sunshine and lazy days ahead… well, not really. I have a semi-busy weekend. Frank is working, so I will be doing my own thing.

hmmm… What trouble can I get to on my own?

puppies smell like cookies

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My dear friend Erin makes me smile, even when she doesn’t know she does.

Frank and I took a trip with Erin and John to the town of Nashville. You know, basically my heaven – full of cowboys and country music – ahhh! Love. It.

While we were there, we bummed around the mall a little bit. And the mall had a puppy store where you could go in and test drive some puppies. Erin eagerly dragged us over to the puppy store, promising Frank that puppies smell like cookies.

For those of you who know Frank well know that Frank loves when things smell good. He loves, loves, loves candles and diffusers and incense. Smell is a critical part of his life experience. To find out that puppies smell like cookies probably cause Frank to pause and consider adopting a puppy. If they smell like cookies, what bad thing can come from them??

The first clue should have been that the store smelled NOTHING like cookies. Not even close.

But Frank, trusting Erin who seemed so genuine and sincere in her promise of cookied puppies, looked past the initial smell. He went up to the window and picked out a cute little pug puppy and we were walked into a test drive room to see if we liked the pug.

We sat down on the bench, pug in hand and Frank took a big, hearty whiff of the puppy’s head, expecting Nestle Tollhouse cookies and getting… well, puppy. He looked at me and his face was full of disappointment.

“This puppy does NOT smell like any cookies I’ve ever eaten!” he said, incredulous.

And that, folks, is why we are probably never getting a puppy. Or any more cookies.

Hope

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Considering how I have felt in the past day, I feel that the below verses really are speaking to me. While I am not feeling particularly hopeful that the outcome of what we are going through will be what I want, I know in my heart that the outcome of what we are going through will be what God wants for us. Paul says,

“3Not only so, but wec]”>[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ” Romans 5:3-5

The good news, at the end of all of this I will have more character and hope, right?? Kind of like an old house and everyone loves the charm of old houses. (Except if you have to live in them, they are kind of high maintenance – right Frank?)

“Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds — his name is the LORD— and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”- Psalm 68:4-5

Shrinkage

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We had another follicle study today to see if I was ready for the HCG shot. Ah, yes, good times.

My follicles actually shrunk.

I wasn’t expecting that. I thought I’d go in and have some huge follicles. Nope. They shrunk from where they were last Friday.

What does this mean? Well, it means that I didn’t get the HCG shot to release the eggs. And that means we’ll have to start from a fresh slate next month with 100 mg of Clomid (instead of 50mg that we did this month). Helllllo crazytown!

As always, this is all in God’s timing. It’s just taking a lot of personal emotional discipline to keep myself focused on Him and His goodness.

Alright. Back to work.