ok, feeling a little better…

a little.

I was going to go to the gym tonight, but decided to go for a run tomorrow morning, first thing.  I want to make morning running/work outs a habit.

So tomorrow is my first day at a new job.  I’m excited about it!  I don’t really know what to expect in the first week, other than lots of paperwork, new people, new processes, new information – well, new everything!  Once I get into it, I know things will fall into place.

It’s only 9:30, but I am already so tired.  I feel like I ran a marathon today!

Two miles in the morning.  here. we. go!

rough night.

Call me hormonal… cuz I think I am.

I just want to cry at everything.  I’m on a progesterone supplement and I think that’s the main cause of this situation I find myself in.  I went to a wake for a man I didn’t know, and just the sight of a dear friend in distress caused me to almost lose it (normally I can maintain myself in those kinds of situations).

Poor Frank got a dose of it this afternoon.  ::sigh:: He handles it well.

Ok, I’m going to go work out and hope that it helps the situation.

AGH!!

sweet home, chicago

Well, we are back from our Vegas extravaganza.  We came out ahead of the casinos (by about $50 – hey, better than in the hole $50!) and had a delightful time together.

I will write up a detailed, day-by-day report as soon as I get pics back from Frank.  Some things just can’t be explained with mere words.

General thoughts:

  • I would definitely go back to the Grand Canyon.  The pictures do not do justice to what it feels to be a tiny human standing at the edge of this natural phenomenon.
  • The Bellagio is lovely, but over-rated.  More on that later.  Suffice to say: Frank and I did not think that it was worth $100 to pay to work out.  Seriously, the gym was not included as part of the stay.
  • Buffets are awesome.
  • O (Cirque du Soleil) was amazing.  The imagery, colors, stunts, choreography, athleticism, music and overall experience were mind bending.  I have been practicing touching my toes and hopes that I might be able to stand still with the same grace and poise (unlikely, but worth the effort).
  • Grand Canyon – awesome.
  • Flight to the Grand Canyon – not as awesome.   Small Plane + Hot + Bumpy + Thunderstorms = Not happy times. I did not puke, I will have you know.  The girl in front of me was not so lucky.
  • Learned, during our Grand Canyon aviation experience that when Frank says, “Are you sick?” and I say, “Yes,” and he says, “Do you need a sick sack?” and I say, “No,” that we are miscommunicating.  Sick to me means feeling nauseated and having a head ache and the world is spinning.  Sick to Frank means “I am going to vomit.”
  • In sort of a experiential cliche, I sat next to two musicians/wannabe musicians on the way home from LAX.  Dude.
  • Grand Canyon – still awesome.  If you haven’t seen it, go see it.  Stop reading this post and start driving/flying to it.
  • I’m serious.  Grand Canyon.   It is both Grand and Canyon-y.
  • I always smile when I end a trip without exposing my dirty underwear at the baggage claim.  It stems from a childhood incident wherein my family’s luggage ripped apart en-route home from Orlando.  Our bag rounded the corner of the carousel, underwear laid out for the world to see.  At first we chuckled, not realizing it was our bag.   And then, horror of horrors, we realized that those panties hanging out were OUR panties.  NO!  Dad yanked the bag off of the carousel and tried to remedy the situation by taking off his belt and wrapping it around the suitcase.  Too small.  I don’t know what he eventually did.  I just know the car ride home was silent as we were all stricken by the experience.  So to say that I managed to end yet another vacation without sharing my blue and white polka dot undies with the fine folks at ORD, that is a big deal.

It’s good to be back home.  Thanks to Andy for the ride home tonight.  You’re  a fabulous brother.  (who I convinced to go on a 2 mile run with me at 9:30 am Saturday).

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one small step for the little hand…

one lap around the clock for the big hand!  (translation: I completed a 5 mile run today in 1 hour!)

I was dreading this run all day.  My shoulder felt crampy and I was starting to talk myself into that being an acceptable reason NOT to run. Yeah, I know.  Lame.

I went to church.  Went to my parents.  Went to the Lake.  Hung out with the K-side for a while.  Went back to my parent’s to drop off some corn.  Went to the gym parking lot.  Sat there for a while and thought about it.

A CBS radio station in our area plays 60 Minutes live on the radio, simulcast with the TV version.

Just a few more minutes.

Realizing how ridiculous it was to sit there in the car, in the parking lot, I finally decided to get out and go into the gym.

The first mile was sort of tough.  The realization that I would have to repeat that experience 4 more times was daunting.

The second mile was full of temptation to quit.  “Emily, 2 miles is respectable.  2 miles is enough.”

The third mile was a little bit more hopeful.  Eh, who am I kidding?  I had a few moments of “holy cow, there is no way I’m going to make it.”  But I also had a few moments of “wow, I’m really running and I haven’t fallen off of the treadmill yet!”

At mile four I realized something embarassing and horrifying: my braid was sweating.  Ew. Gross, gross, gross.

I hoped, with all of my heart, that no one was behind me, watching sweat drip off of the end of my braid.

No such luck.

Oh, and how did I realize it was dripping?  It dripped on my leg.  Yeah – I’m nasty.

And mile 5.  Mile 5 was full of negotiation.  I made deals with myself.  Deals about ice cream, primarily.

Is there some sort of parallel to life in that run?   Maybe.  If heaven is ice cream, then I think the parallel works out.

But man, if heaven is NOT ice cream, I’m going to be annoyed.

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the first day of the rest of my life…

oh, I know.  I’m a drama queen.

So how do you transition out of one career path (agency life) and into the public sector (aka village government)?

You start with a 3.3 mile run.  Then you go to lunch with two dear friends. Then you get pedicures.

And then you get a drug test.

Hmmm.  That last one was surprising.

And tomorrow, I think I am going to color my hair a shocking color and cut it shorter.

And I think the transition will be complete.

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2.2 miles of therapy

I think running is therapy for me.

It’s me, proving to myself, that I can run.  I can make it each quarter mile further.

Each step is me not caving.

Each step reminds me of the verses in the Bible that say to rejoice in suffering and trials.

Each step reminds me that because I took one step, the next time it will be easier and faster and lighter.

People have said that you run against no one but yourself.

And that’s true.

But you also run for no one but yourself and because God gave us the ability to choose to run.

I run for me and to be closer to God.  Even if I say nothing and He says nothing, it’s sort of like an aligning of me with His Spirit.

I run as fast as I can mentally and physically and emotionally.

Tonight I started crying while I was running, but I kept going.  I ran through the tears and found a good pace and felt better.

I was crying because the thought occurred to me that the saddest and hardest part of what we are going through is the thought that if we don’t have children, who will tell future generations how much Frank and I loved eachother?  Who will tell future generations the great things that God has done in our lives?

And you know, I don’t have anything else to say about that.  It’s just sad.  And yeah, maybe we will have kids.   And maybe we won’t.  I think I’m just sad.

The cool thing about running is that sometimes it gets really hard.  Sometimes I think, “I just can’t go on, I’ll never make the next mile.”  And then, I push and I make it.  That gives me a lot of hope.

So maybe right now it’s hard and I’m just sad, but I will persevere.  And God’s Word says that perseverance builds character and character gives us hope.

In sadness I can have hope.  And that is awesome.

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running & frank is home

Ok, so I did NOT get my 2 mile run in this morning.  I opted, instead, to sleep in.  I feel that it was a wise decision.

And I am psyched for my 2 mile run this evening, with FK.  I am really going to push myself to run faster than I have, since this is now becoming a “short” distance for me.

Did I mention that FK is home?  Only for 24 hours, but hey, I’ll take what I can get!

And next week, Vegas!  YES!

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