“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” ~Hebrews 12:1
Since this weekend, I’ve really been struggling with my emotions. Wrestling with them.
I’ve fallen into the horrible trap of wondering why, why, WHY this is the path that God is taking us down. I’ve been angry, sad and frustrated. I’m even guilty of comparing myself to others. And to what end? I’m not any better for it.
This is a difficult time for both of us, but we still have hope.
My husband is probably the most wonderful man I know. It’s not easy for him to be emotional, but he is really stretching himself emotionally and sitting with me and talking to me (and not telling me how to fix it, which is sort of a guy thing to do). Marriages fail all the time under the weight of infertility. But instead of Frank getting angry with me for being sad, he is learning to be very patient. He encourages me to pray and approach God.
When I think about how difficult this is, it’s hard for me to not remember all of the huge blessings God has given us. We both have jobs, we are both relatively healthy, we have a home that we enjoy, we have family and friends close by – we have SO much.
We have a different race to run than other couples. Harder, easier – it doesn’t matter. It’s our race, specifically designed for us. I can choose to run it with happily, which only makes the race more joyful and worth watching – or I can choose to run it with great sadness, which might be easier in the short term, but is no way to go through life.
So I’m going to make the conscious decision to choose to be happy, to embrace joy and to seek God. And sometimes I might stumble and I might fall, but I will get up and keep going.