There are a lot of difficult things that come with struggling with fertility. Every month is a new adventure in fertility land – new tests, new ultra sounds, new hope. And so far, for us, every month ends on a low note. It’s difficult and sometimes heart breaking.
Sometimes the things that I think are going to be hard… aren’t.
In the past 24 hours, I did three things: I went to a wedding, had breakfast with some friends and their baby and received an invitation to a baby shower.
The most emotionally difficult thing for me was not what you would think. I really enjoyed having breakfast with friends. Their son is really adorable and quite well behaved! And the baby shower invitation I recieved was also sweet. The shower is for a friend who I love dearly.
Interestingly, the most difficult thing for me was the wedding. Which seems curious because I am married and I am not missing out on nuptials. Frank and I had a beautiful wedding. I think about that day quite frequently, actually.
The wedding was difficult because, as I watched my friend’s dad give her away, incredible sadness washed over me. What if Frank never gets to walk a daughter down the aisle? What if I never get to dance with my son dance at his wedding? What if we never see children following in our footsteps, adding chapters to this story that started generations and generations ago?
And that’s what made the wedding hard.