Frank

100 joys

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One of my favorite Bloggers, Slightly Cosmopolitan, started working on 100 Joys which she found out about from Sarah Markley’s blog.  My friend Allison also saw a similar idea and is inviting our small group to participate via email.  It’s such a wonderful idea, I thought I would participate both on my blog and via email.

So here we go…

Joy #1

This little gold ornament was hand-decorated by my sweet husband when he was a little boy.  This ornament has hung on countless trees in his parents’ home when he was growing up and now hangs on our Christmas tree.  It’s hard to read in the picture, but the ornament just says “Frank” in glitter. It makes me smile!

 

Joy #2

The newest ornament on our tree this year was a gift from a dear friend, Meg.  She found this ornament while shopping with her fiance and they couldn’t resist.  It is a happy reminder of things to come in 2011.

 

Joy #3

Following in the theme of ornaments, this one is from one of my dear friends Erin.  She gave this to me when we were in college and somehow, between moving home, getting married and moving 4 times, we’ve managed to hang on to this ornament.  It makes my heart happy because not only does it remind me of Erin, but it also reminds me of all of the wonderful friends that I have made throughout the years!

 

Joy #4

What may not be clear in the above picture is that I am showing off my elastic waistband.  Elastic is one of my smaller, but still important, joys of the season.  I simply do not know what I would do without elastic considering my expanding waistline.  I love you, elastic!

 

Joy #5

We love the Chicago Blackhawks.  Love them.  Frank has been going to see them since he was a young boy.  We’ve been seeing the Hawks together for 8 years.  We’ve seen good years, bad years and awesome years.  We are not just-on-the-band-wagon fans, but rather long-term, committed fans.  I love seeing the Hawks play – win or lose.  I especially like it when the gloves come off and there is a great fight… especially when both players are trying to hold each other up while punching each other (cuz if they go horizontal, the fight is over…).  Nice.

 

Joy #6

There was a fantastic speaker at church a few months ago who talked about peace not being the absence of conflict, but rather, wholeness with God. I loved this concept and this season of the year reminds me of this all the time.  We live in a fallen world where there will always be conflict of one variety or another.  But we can have peace.  That gives me great joy!

 

Joy #7

Fundraisers where the kiddos sell cookie dough.  Talk about saving some time!  If that isn’t joy, I don’t know what is!

 

… Too be continued…

17 weeks

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What’s new with the babies: The babies are now about 5 inches long and their skeletal structures are hardening from a soft cartilage into bone.  I think that I’ve felt them both move, but I can’t be 100% sure.  The books and the websites all say that you should feel the babies move between 16 and 20 weeks, but I have to say that I’ve known quite a few moms that did not feel the babies move until they were past 20 weeks.

I had an appointment with my CNM last week Thursday.  They finished my NT scan blood work data (checking for trisomy 18, Downs Syndrome, etc) and checked for the heartbeats with a fetal doppler.  Baby A (I think it’s a girl) was moving so much that she had a hard time tracking “her” down, but we did find it.  Baby A’s heartrate came in at 162 bpm.  Baby B (perhaps a boy?) is much more chill and the CNM found “his” heartbeat right away (150 bpm).

How I feel: Still feeling tired, but it’s manageable.  We went out for dinner last Friday with friends and I had chorizo and experienced my first case of HORRIFIC heartburn.  Like, epically bad.  I will not relay to you the subsequent events of the evening – just know that it was not pretty.  I am definitely showing at this point, but maternity shirts are still (as expected) quite baggy on me.

Other thoughts: We are in the early stages of trying to figure out what to register for and what we are going to need.  I look at the list and research a few things, then put it away and watch TV.  So yeah, it’s going to take us a while to figure it all out…. But that’s ok, we still have 21 weeks to go!

beautiful things

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This morning at church they played a song by Gungor called “Beautiful Things”.  The lyrics were really simple, but really poignant:

All this pain / I wonder if I’ll even find my way / I wonder if my life could really change at all / All this earth / Could all that is lost ever be found / Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of us

Even though we are pregnant now, I still think a lot about our struggles with fertility. I think about how tested I felt and how alone, even in the midst of knowing quite a few people going through the same things.  I think about how often I wondered why we were going through this challenge.

A lot of the time, I think about how I could’ve done it better.

Maybe I could’ve been more positive and more optimistic.  Maybe I could’ve made it easier for the people around me by not talking about it or by talking about it more or by talking about it more positively.  Maybe I could’ve put on an attitude that was happier and more joyful, even when I was hurting.

And I kind of wonder what would’ve been accomplished.

It’s been occurring to me more and more the importance of reaching outward in difficult times and of being honest about where I am at, even if that location is not exactly lovely.  Glossing over feelings and putting up a front of being happy and in control is great if my goal is to make people feel like I have my crap together.  But it doesn’t do anything to draw people in, to connect with others or build community.  Of course, I believe there is a time and a place for being emotionally honest (ahem, losing it at work is not an option).

And then I think of Frank.

Frank loves to help people do projects around their homes.  He’s really good at helping, too.  He is much more coordinated than I am, so he is definitely more of an asset than a liability in pretty much any home improvement project.  He is smart, but he is not someone who thinks he has all the answers – which means he’s willing to problem solve and take direction.

Whenever he’s been asked to help with something and he’s not flying, he willingly and joyfully obliges.

And the thing about when he helps people is that it builds community.  He gets to know the other guys he’s working with and they usually feel like they are closer friends for having done the work.  I would argue that it is more effective for guys to build relationships working alongside each other than it is to go on a double date with their wives/girlfriends.

It’s just how guys are.

But imagine if no one asked him to help?  If everyone could just do it on their own?

I have a friend Rose, who you’ve read about here on my blog.  She and I have struggled with starting a family for some time.  She’s probably one of the sweetest girls I know.  And I doubt we’d be as good of friends as we are if we had not struggled through this fertility stuff together.  If she had said, “yeah, everything is WONDERFUL for me” and I’d lied and said the same thing, we’d probably never know each other as well as we do.

We share in the struggles together.  We cheer each other onward.  We rejoice and we grieve together.

I would also suggest that sometimes it’s the small things that bring us together.  Yes, the holidays are a great time for families to come together, but I also think that casual Tuesday night dinners and birthday dinners and celebrations of day-to-day things also brings us all closer.

So I don’t think I did the fertility stuff perfectly.  I didn’t keep myself together in a perfect little package of happiness.  But I don’t regret the struggle.

The song at church today reminded me that God uses all of this life we live to make beautiful things.  Out of the dust of our sadness and pain, God has grown friendships, strengthened our marriage and rooted us more deeply in our faith.  Our God is a faithful God, no matter the circumstance.

carbon monoxide poisoning

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One of my dearest friends, Vicky, has been working diligently with her husband to move past the fall out of his affair that he confessed to about 10 months ago.  Watching them work valiantly to save their marriage, often struggling, but still persisting, has been inspiring.  Knowing Vicky as well as I do, and hearing her struggles and how she has turned them over to God on a daily, hourly and sometimes minute-by-minute basis, has been a powerful reminder to me of how I should live my own life.

I’ve had other friends deal with affairs, addictions and financial trials throughout their marriages.  We’ve known a few couples that have split over pretty big stuff.

This Friday on a local Chicago radio show (WTMX’s Eric & Kathy), morning host Kathy announced that she and her husband were separating.  She said that they still loved each other and were still friends, but for the sake of their family they were going to go their separate ways.  She said that they realized that they were not in love with each other any more and that life had gotten in the way and when the dust settled, they were friends and roommates and nothing more.

This revelation was very unsettling to me because as often as people we’ve known have gotten divorced, most were not explosive endings.  Most of the divorces seem to be the result of marital carbon monoxide poisoning.

Marriages are slowly poisoned over time because we don’t tend to them – we don’t feed them, care for them and keep them going.  Most marriages die a slow, torturous death and the final cause of death can barely be determined because there were so many minor causes that it’s hard to find just one that killed it.

I have been fortunate in my marriage because Frank’s frequent absences make it hard for things to be dull.  In spite of fertility treatments, pregnancy, work, etc – we’ve done a pretty OK job of keeping the marriage alive – but it could be better.  With the exciting prospect of twins in just five months, I know we’re going to have to work even harder to keep things interesting between us.  We’re going to need to go on dates and ask eachother questions and find creative ways to keep the romance alive.

I heard a pastor say once regarding scripture that presumed familiarity breeds unfamiliarity.  I think that sometimes I think I know everything there is to know about Frank, but we’ll be sitting at dinner or driving somewhere and he’ll tell me a story about his life or something he’s learned and it gives me new appreciation for him.

So here is my question to you: What do you do to keep things fresh in your marriage?

three things: about our house

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I haven’t done a “three things” post in a while.  Probably because I’ve been struggling through nagging fatigue and dealing with a few house issues…

Thing 1: The Garage

Over the course of the two years we’ve lived in our house, I’ve parked my car in the one-car garage for a total of about 1 month. Seriously.

Every time we clean out the garage and get it organized, a major purchase (ie a snowblower) throws everything out of whack.  Once the garage is out of commission, it suddenly becomes a holding space for any number of things.  Having a party? Toss the 13 pairs of shoes sitting next the front door into the garage!  Unexpected guests?  Throw Frank’s suitcase out there stat!

But today, I make a stand against abusing the garage.

We cleaned it out – sorted through boxes of collegiate memories and threw out an entire garbage can of randomness that we have, sadly, moved from an apartment in Illinois to an apartment in Wisconsin to a house in Wisconsin to a house in Illinois.

::Sob::

Oh the money we spent on moving garbage!!

But never again – we shall prevail.  Our garage will house a vehicle, or my name isn’t Emily…

 

Thing 2: The Basement.

We are working on cleaning out the basement next.  We started it a few weeks ago, but realized we were mostly moving things out to the garage for donation purposes.  Tomorrow, we are going to ferociously re-approach the basement.  So Help Me, we will not be defeated in this mighty endeavor!

 

Thing 3: Our Microwave.

You may recall that I previously mentioned that we have some weird electrical things going on in our house.  Of course, Frank thinks that I’m crazy, but I promise you, I might be crazy, but something weird is going on.  We replace lightbulbs in this house like it’s our job.  At one point, half of our appliances in our kitchen were not working.  One of those appliances, our dishwasher, stopped working due to an (dah dah dahhhhhh….) electrical fire!

The other appliance that isn’t working is our over-the-stove microwave.  It worked for about 2 weeks after we moved in.  It was a delight.

Then one day, it just stopped working.

My mom generously gave me an extra microwave that we stuck next to the fridge.

One day, in the midst of cleaning out the kitchen (yes, we’re on a roll with the cleaning), I expressed my dismay at having so much junk on top of the fridge.  We took the cereal boxes down and tried to find a home for them, but seeing as we don’t have a pantry, they had to sit on the counter.  Frank complained about how unsightly and inconvenient it was to have the cereal boxes on the counter and I said, “if the microwave worked, we wouldn’t have to have the extra microwave next to the fridge.”  Because Frank is brilliant, he decided to start storing the cereal boxes in the broken microwave.  Genius!

Thinking that no one else would notice, we went on with our lives.

We recently hosted an engagement party for our dear friends.  The party was a lovely success and until about midway through the party, I’d forgotten about the aforementioned cereal boxes.  In mid-conversation with my long-time friend Kate, she asked me, “Um, hey, Em, are those cereal boxes in your microwave?”

“Yup,” I replied.  I didn’t bat an eyelash and pretended that it was totally normal.

“Okay….” she said.

13 weeks

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Today I am 13 weeks pregnant.  I thought it might be fun to start documenting what’s going on each week.  I’ll try to use the same format each week.  I will also try to include pictures – I actually have a little bump going already!

What’s new with the babies: The babies are 3 inches head to tush.  If we’re having a girl or girls, she already has 2 million eggs in her ovaries.  The babies now have finger prints.

How I feel: Great, but tired.  I still have some weird aversions to herbs and spicy foods, which is killing Frank.  I haven’t gained any weight, but I definitely have a bump starting.  It’s especially noticeable when I lie down.  Frank likes to talk to the babies, usually just saying, “Helllllloooo???”

Other thoughts: It’s still very surreal to me that I’m pregnant.  I go through waves of acceptance and disbelief.  Most of the time I am able to say, “OK, I am pregnant, this is really going to happen for us!”  But then there are times where it’s just more than my little brain can fathom.

Our experiences with fertility treatments has made me abundantly aware of the fact that life is fragile.  I know far too many women who have lost babies at various stages of their pregnancy, even well into the “safe” period.  I don’t take for granted the fact that we are 13 weeks along. I treasure that we have seen our babies on five separate occasions and they were always developmentally where they should be (or measuring big… which is another post for another day).  I love that Baby A was super active, propelling himself (or herself) across the sac, flipping over and sucking his thumb.  I love that Baby B was chill – stretching out, waving his arms over his head and relaxing.  I hope these sweet babies keep growing and thriving – we are looking forward to meeting them in person in less than 6 months!

Changes 2 & 3…

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Are also known affectionately as Baby A and Baby B!

Yes, that’s right, the K-Fam will be doubling in March with the introduction of twins to the mix!  We are obviously very excited and very nervous.  We are 12 weeks along today, which seems miraculous to both of us.

While we are elated at where we are at, we are also very mindful of the long, hard road we traveled.  I am acutely aware that while it seemed like an eternity (18 months+), it was a far shorter experience than what many people I know have endured.  Life is a fragile, delicate thing.  The creation and continuation of it is in the hands of a creator far greater than ourselves.  Why some people struggle and why others don’t, is something that I cannot begin to fathom or explain.

Why it was now, why it was us, why we’re having twins – I really don’t know.  I am glad, of course, but still aching for all of the couples that are longing to bring home their baby from the hospital.

Over the course of my twenties, I’ve heard nearly every miraculous pregnancy story and practically every tragic fertility experience.  I have had friends and families lose babies late in pregnancies and I’ve had friends and family that seem to have no problem getting and staying pregnant.

Fertility was a major struggle for us.  We’ve experienced other struggles in our 7 year marriage, but this was the biggest.  Infertility caused us to pause and wonder about the legacy that we are leaving behind – biologically and otherwise.  It made me think about the people that have come before us – the giants whose shoulders we stand on, as my father in law would say – and wonder at the future generations that might not ever exist to look back at us.

I think about that a lot because we truly live in a culture that is so self-focused.  I am intrigued by the generations before us who thought of us, knowing they would never meet us, but were so driven by the determination to make the world better for a future time that they would never experience.  I wanted to influence future generations – provide another building block to the foundation.

I struggled a lot with the ideas of God having a plan and “everything happening for a reason.”  In the midst of such heartache and sadness, it seemed unfathomable that such trite-sounding concepts could be true. I did not doubt God’s ability or greatness, but I wondered a lot at why this was such a hard road and why He seemed to be so silent so often.  And maybe I just have to be content with the idea that this is the road He gave us and this is the road we had to go down to become the people we are supposed to be.

I look at these two little miracles and am amazed that they even exist.  I am hopeful that this is just the beginning of a new great chapter in our lives.  A difficult chapter I am sure.  A chapter that does not involve a lot of sleep.  A chapter that does involve a lot of crying… from all of us…  Many people have reminded us that it will be hard, but many more have reminded us that it will also be worth it.

So yes, big changes in store for the K-Fam!

lazy blogger

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I’ve been a lazy blogger lately.

I really want to write about lots of interesting things – I really do.  I even think about things to blog about – as I’m falling asleep.

But then I fall asleep.

It’s what I do.

Especially since the weather has cooled off and it’s perfect sleep-with-the-windows-open weather.

Note to self: make sure to prop all of the doors open so that they don’t slam shut in the middle of the night, causing me to completely hyperventilate and Frank to wonder if the neighbors are shooting each other up.

Oh, and have I mentioned my love affair with the mini blizzard?

Love it.

I’m done now.

from the history books: enchanted

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Last night I watched Enchanted, one of my favorite movies to watch.  It’s one of those movies that when it’s on, I can’t help myself.  The movie reminds me a lot of Frank.  No, it’s not because Frank channels Patrick Dempsy with his dashing good looks and pragmatic approach to life.  Nor is it because Frank often introduces me the way Prince Edward introduces Giselle – “Giselle is my love, my heart’s one true desire!”

Enchanted reminds me of a truly K-Fam Thanksgiving experience.  Back in November 2007 Frank was a jet Captain on the Dornier at the now defunct Skyway Airlines.  As per usual, Frank was at the bottom of the seniority list, meaning that he was working holidays.  I decided that I would accompany him over Thanksgiving on his trips so that we could spend Thanksgiving together.  On Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, we went to Cleveland. Skyway actually put the pilots up in a somewhat decent hotel which was close to a very nice mall.

One of Frank’s favorite things to do is walk around a mall. This is surprising because he does NOT like to shop.  He enjoys stopping at stores that have nice smells or kitschy items with limited uses (ie. Brookstone, Spencers).  We walked around the mall for a while and then decided to go see the movie Enchanted. We thoroughly enjoyed the movie.  I remember walking out of the theater holding Frank’s hand, feeling light and free.  We had dinner at the Macaroni Grill and drew fun pictures on the paper table cloth and enjoyed being together.

The next day, Thanksgiving, we flew back to Milwaukee and then up to Appleton.  We stayed at the Raddison Paper Valley in downtown Appleton.  We arrived at the hotel at 2:30 in the afternoon and saw, to our amazement, a huge Thanksgiving buffet set out!  Victory!  We approached the hostess stand, all of our bags in tow, and asked the hostess for details on the buffet.  She told us they were taking it down.  Oh, the looks on our faces!  We pleaded with her – can we just go through once and get some Thanksgiving food – we are far from home and won’t get a real Thanksgiving!  Nope.  She wouldn’t budge.  As we walked by the buffet on the way to our room, we watched them throwing out entire cakes and pies.  Oh, how we wanted to weep right there!

Slightly disheartened, but determined to have a lovely Thanksgiving anyway, we went to the hotel bar, hoping that they may have some Thanksgiving fare.  No such luck.  I think Frank had a hamburger and I had a chicken sandwich.  Regardless of the lack of Thanksgiving themed food, we had a wonderful time watching football in the bar and talking with his First Officer.

Later that night, we decided that we wanted dessert, but room service didn’t have anything good, so we found a vending machine and shared a Three Muskateers bar and a Rice Krispy Treat.  Oh, it was bliss!  Almost like having French Silk Pie… but not quite…

It is one of my happiest memories of us.  We had such a nice time celebrating Thanksgiving together and I am so glad we did it!  Considering that Frank is back at the bottom of the seniority list again, perhaps we will try the adventure again this year, but maybe in a more exotic location, like LA or Puerto Rico!

summer lovin'

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Those of you who know me in real life (IRL), know that the K fam has recently been soooo excited to announce that Frank is now flying out of a Milwaukee base instead of an Atlanta base.  Milwaukee (MKE) is roughly 1 1/2 to 2 hours away from our home, whereas Atlanta requires a 45 minute drive plus a 2 1/2 hour flight.  And, if that isn’t fun enough, Frank had to allow three or four flight options, just in case he got bumped or a flight was canceled.  On his way home, he would often be running from concourse to concourse trying to find an open flight – and that was often after an 8-10+ hour day of flying.  Sometimes he wouldn’t roll into our driveway until after 1 a.m. after starting his day at 6 a.m.  With travel to and from Atlanta factored in, Frank was averaging 6-7 full days home per month.  Needless to say, it was rough, but we made it work.

Actually, I look at it as a little feather in our cap that we made it work so well.  For all that we’ve been going through while he’s been commuting to Atlanta for the last year or so, including fertility treatments and a miscarriage, the fact that we are still so in love is a blessing from God.

TOOT TOOT. (that’s me, tooting our collective horn)

While I was prepared to continue having a long-distance marriage for a while longer, we were soooo blessed when Frank won the bid for the Milwaukee base earlier this summer.  Thanks to this new base, Frank was in training to fly a new aircraft which resulted in him being home on WEEKENDS!!  This is a rare occurrence, indeed.  As a result, we hosted a dessert and cocktail party this summer, we had a holiday together (4th of July!-note – because of his seniority, we do not usually expect to have any holidays together), we went to Summerfest AND the Wisconsin State Fair (two of our favorite things) and generally did weekend-type couple-y things.  I LOVED every minute of it.  Frank is almost done with training – he is finishing up initial operating experience, which basically means he is flying with a very experienced captain who will later sign off that he is a capable pilot and set him free for regular flying.

So it has been a good summer in the K house this year.  We have felt abundantly blessed with this new base and look forward to more time together this fall!