So, clearly, this weekend appeared to be a weekend of excess. And could I have eaten less pasta and bread? Yeah, probably. And could I have eaten less candy/chocolate/ice cream? Probably. But I would also say that I didn’t eat as much of the candy/chocolate/ice cream as I wanted. And that poses a problem for me.
As I learned back in January, I am hypoglycemic. This means that carbs are a particular problem for me because my body absorbs and distributes the carbs so quickly that I CRASH after carbo-loading. Eating carbs causes me to have a blood sugar low within an hour or so that makes me FEEL super hungry.
As a matter of fact, when I eat candy mid-afternoon, by the time I get home at 5:30, I am irrationally hungry. I don’t even bother to stop at the store because I am SO hungry that I am not sure how I will make it through the store without A) forgetting half of my list or B) maiming the first person who tries to abscond with my cart.
And don’t get me started with the parking lot.Let’s just assume there would be much carnage.
So anyway, I do not make wise decisions when I am on a sugar low.
Plus, my body converts these carbs to fat faster than you can say “Put down the butter Paula Deen!” And if that wasn’t enough to make me pass on the sugary delights, the fact that we would like to get pregnant again means that I am at high risk for developing gestational diabetes. While a high birth weight for our babies has always been a real possibility (my dear husband rocked the scales at a mighty 13 1/2 lbs and 24 inches of pure baby delight), gestational diabetes ups the ante significantly. If that was the only serious side affect of gestational diabetes, that would be one thing. Unfortunately, there are several other unfortunate potential by-products of gestational diabetes that give me pause for concern.
I realize that the idea of giving up all sweets seems … well… un-American.
I mean, who does that?
But after taking a long, hard look at myself in the mirror, reviewing the scale, and looking in the mirror again, I decided that I need to do just that.
Oh, not to worry, the idea of giving up all sweets did not come without serious mental protest and angst. My poor, sugar-addicted brain said, “But dear Emily, what about BIRTHDAY cake? What knd of person says NO to BIRTHDAY cake?? What about having something sweet to make eating healthy worth it? Just a little bit of sweet stuff won’t hurt!”
Does a birthday cake make the birthday, I ask you? Do I need a 3 p.m. sugar fix? Do I need dessert after EVERY DINNER? The fact that I tried to find reasons NOT to give it up was the biggest indicator that I SHOULD give it up.
I submit to you this: the celebration is to be augmented by the food. The food is not to be augmented by the celebration. This is a VERY difficult decision for me to give up sweets. But I realized I was putting my desire to have a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup ahead of being healthy. I was putting a slice of amazing, gooey chocolate cake ahead of feeling good.
Not any more. Starting tomorrow (I had ice cream before I made the decision today), Frank and I are quitting the sweets cold turkey. It’s going to be difficult because I am going to have to be really honest about what is a sweet and what is not. I thought about buying some Fiber-One bars for their fiber-related benefits and because… wait for it… they also have a chocolate product. Houston, I have a problem. Using a Fiber-One bar to “replace” candy is not right.
And, of course, I realize that my eating habits are causing a rift with God and in my marriage. I know that sounds far-fetched, but bear with me. When I eat poorly, I feel bad about myself. Instead of focusing on becoming the person that God wants me to be, I focus on how bad I feel about myself. And if that’s not enough, I happen to have a wonderful, sweet, adoring husband who thinks that I am beautiful, no matter what, but I turn him away so I can have a self-loathing pity party. Now, Frank muscles through it, but I think about how much BETTER my marriage would be if we avoided these kinds of pity parties all together.
So anyway. This is my new adventure. Anyone else want to join me? I plan on discussing this frequently on the blog as I am anticipating a lot of withdrawal symptoms that may include “the shakes” and inexplicable crying/anger. But once I get through the detox portion, I expect that I will feel MUCH better. Right? ::scratches arms, looks for a candy bar:: Right??
5 thoughts on “stopping the insanity”
did i push you over the edge this weekend? i’m VERY sorry if i our girl weekend was a negative for you…at least in this way! we did eat a lot less than i thought we would have! 😉
anyway, i am very proud of you and support you totally! while i do not intend to go your exact route, i am also making changes starting tomorrow. life is going to include a lot of changes in general, so this is one of them! i’m behind you my friend – and regardless of what you say, it is a cute behind!! 😉
No you didn’t push me over the edge!! It was a pattern of behavior that I have established over the past 5 years that NEEDS to change.
And I support you fully in your endeavors. I will pray that God will grant us the strength we need to make these changes. I love you tons!
I’m sorry. I couldn’t finish reading this post. I can’t get over the fact that Frank was thirteen. and. a. half. pounds!!!!!!!!!!! God bless his mother! *Please* tell me he was born by c-section??? Or that she is 8 feet tall???
Heidi – true story – Frank’s mom labored with him for 30+ hours. No drugs, natural child birth. She is about 6′ tall. She’s a saint!
We hardly eat any sweets and you’ll be surprised how easy it gets to turn them away once you’ve been away for a while!