I am not a brave person.
When I am walking up the stairs and he chases after me, I sit down on the stairs and curl up.
True story. It’s like my knees stop working.
Fight or flight?
Is laying down and dying an option?
And this transcends into other areas of my life.
The amount of effort it takes for me to do things often seems monumental.
And sometimes, I wonder why things fail and I realize that my fear stopped me from taking a critical step.
I know that I am smart. Maybe not genius IQ, but I know enough to be dangerously effective.
But fear of disappointing people stops me in my tracks.
My dear friend and fellow blogger, Heidi, found out that she is expecting. This baby is so wanted!
But she has been hurt a lot – four years + of infertility and two miscarriages are stunningly difficult things to endure.
She vocalizes something I’ve worried about since we realized that this fertility biz was not looking awesome for us: that once we get pregnant, what if there is more pain?
And I wonder, do I have what it takes to make it through the first 9 weeks of pregnancy without wondering if every ache and pain is a sign of another loss?
Can I be brave?
And not just in pregnancy – but in all areas of life: work, family, friends, missions, finances, etc?
I think I can. I am pretty sure I can.
And I have a God that says I can.
I think about the disciple Peter a lot. The oldest of the disciples. The one who Jesus regularly used as an example.
One day, the disciples were in a boat in the midst of a raging storm, and Jesus walks on water to them and quiets the storm.
Wanting to be just like his teacher – and believing bravely that he CAN be just like his teacher – Peter follows Jesus out onto the water.
And Peter walks on water.
Pastor Rob Bell points out that it is when Peter hesitates – when he lets fear creep in – when he stops believing in himself – that he starts to sink.
Pastor Bell points out that Jesus BELIEVED in Peter.
But Peter did not believe in Peter.
And I wonder, is God walking along side me telling me, “You CAN do this!”
And I am not failing at things because God didn’t answer a prayer or give me enough or teach me enough or instruct me enough: I have to own up to the fact that I might be failing because I don’t believe that I can do it.
God has already provided me with everything I could ever need.
Supplying the bravery is up to me.