I am definitely feeling better today than yesterday. Praise God!
I realized after talking to a few people that I am doing better when I am not talking to people about it. I know that sounds weird, but I feel at peace when I am not explaining how this all unfolded. When I try to explain the process of how I’ve gotten through it, it seems like well-meaning people seem to jump quickly to telling me why I am wrong or should think of it differently. And what I am trying to tell them is how I got from point A to point B. And yes, I know, I make mistakes along the way and I know that I could have a better attitude and I know that God’s will will be done. I know that whatever happens, I need to find a way to be at peace with it. And that is what I am working through.
I think the challenge is that I think externally and I think I need to learn how to manage this situation more internally before speaking. Sometimes I need to blog/write it down, sometimes I need to talk it out. And I am a planner. I like to have a lot of different possibilities and options on the table. I want to be prepared to deal with the worst and the best and everything in between. Some people organize their cupboards, others go running – but I fold laundry, hash things out with God and figure out all of the different rearrangements of my life.
When I get dealt this kind of situation, I crave information on it. I read blogs, I check WebMD, I soak up other people’s stories. I’d like to think that centuries ago, women did that same thing. Except they had a lot less science.
I have been loving my Chris Tomlin CD that I got at Women’s Retreat Fall of 2007 (where Margot Fiesler said, “You are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis or going into a crisis.”) The lyrics that are sticking with me tonight are, “Oh Great God, be glorified, Our lives laid down, Yours magnified, Oh Great God be lifted high.” I hope that through all of this, God will be glorified.
One thought on “Day Two – God is Gracious”
God WILL be glorified! you do an amazing job at going to Him, wrestling with Him, loving Him, following Him and obeying Him. anyone who knows you can see God being glorified!