So Monday, we had the JAWS of LIFE in our office as our mail room manager managed to get his hand “crunched” in the soda machine while he was refilling it. Yes. That’s right. Crunched. While numerous individuals tried to dislodge his hand using a pliars and whatever they could find – this one called for the professionals. Once the fire fighters got there, they determined that the only way to resolve the issue would be to bust out the JAWS of LIFE. They freed the mail room manager (thumb was broken, ego bruised) and I am glad to say that he fared much better than the vending machine. The next morning, the vending machine was in two separate pieces with the entire front removed…

Which means that all that soda was unguarded. And I so would have looted, except the voice of God came from the heavens and said, “I don’t think so, Emily.” After what that beast did to our mail room manager, I decided to heed God’s warning.

Speaking of voices from the sky and vicious corporate schemes, Josh P’s 27th birthday is 3/23. We here at Brew City, USA can’t wait. It’s like Christmas, except with out God being born. Or presents for snotty little children. But I’m sure I can convince someone to put on an ill fitting red suit and jump out of the chimney. That gets the kiddies every time. At the very least, Frank will scream like a girl – and who doesn’t love that?