Before I begin, I should probably say that this is not, in fact, Emily. It’s actually Frank. I, along with all of you, check Emily’s blog daily to read her take on this crazy story called life. Recently, I read a post that supposedly outlined a day in my life. Unfortunely, this post is INCREDIBLY inaccurate.
Allow me to explain exactly what a day in my life looks like.
6:03 am – The alarm goes off. She moves over, hits the snooze button, pulls the covers up to her chin and is back to sleep. This is true. I however, bolt awake, look over at my still dozing yet blushing bride, and gently scratch and rub her back and arms, coaxing her oh so easily into another day.
6:14 am – Repeat above.
6:29 am – “I am getting out of bed. I swear. Frank, tell me to get out of bed.”
“Emily, you work hard. If you need a little more time to sleep, that’s fine. I’ll go and make breakfast for you. Eggs Benedict again? We’re out of fresh oranges, so the orange juice will be store bought instead of fresh squeezed. Is that ok?”
6:45 am – “Well, I guess I missed my work out.”
“That’s ok. You really don’t need it. The amount of calories that you burn when you work as hard as you do at the office does more than replace a missed workout. How about I give you one more quick massage and then start the shower for you.”
7:00 am – Emily gets out of bed. She goes to shower and by the time she gets out, breakfast is waiting for her on the table, and Diane (MMMmmm… skirt.) and Charlie are on the tube telling us what’s going on in America today.
7:45 am – While Emily was getting ready for work I go down and do a light 45 min. workout. As I don’t want to strain anything, I keep it below 150 lbs. I come up, take a quick shower, throw some clothes on and then drive Emily work.
8:15 am – I get home, have a quick bowl of cereal and a granola bar, while getting my news by reading the completely and totally unbiased drudgereport.com, snopes.com, and the onion.com.
8:45 am – I begin to do laundry. In order to be as efficient as possible, I’ll wash the clothes I’m wearing now, which causes me to be operating, for a short period of time in the, uh “buff”, to use a well chosen word to describe me.
8:47 am – Phone rings – it is my still subtly blushing bride.
“So, what are you doing?”
“Laundry. Guess what day it is?”
“What day is it?”
“K Family Naked Day.”
“Frank. Please get fresh oranges today. I’m tired of store bought OJ”
“I mean it.”
“Mmhmm, after West Wing. I’m doing laundry.”
“It’s a deal.”
10:00 am – West Wing is on Bravo, or “bruhVO” as I like to call it. It is true that I have a little bit of a thing for CJ. And Donna. While watching the West Wing, I fold and iron laundry. As my gently brushing bride likes to wear an average of four sets of clothes a day, there’s quite a bit of laundry to fold and iron.
11:45 am – Phone rings – It’s the oh so softly blushing bride, the love of my life. I get a little excited when she calls.
“Frank, what’s that noise in the background?”
“Nothing, what’s up?”
“Was that a flush?”
“No, what’s up?”
“It was! Gross!”
“WHAT IS UP?”
“Can you pretty please bring me lunch?”
“Of course. Sushi again?”
“OK. I’ll be there in a half hour.”
12:15 pm – I bring Emily lunch and eat with her.
12:30 pm – I drive to the airport to check my mail box, then to skyway HQ to get a bunch of free airplane tickets for Emily and her friends. Sadly I can not go with on these trips because I have a 90 minute leash on me that’s attached to my suitcase at the airport.
1:30 pm – I go to the store and shop for a bit. Chicken Voila and Diet Dr. Pepper, and lots of it.
2:30 pm – I come home and take a brief power nap.
2:50 pm – Phone rings – It is the eternal flame of my heart, the object of my desire, my ever so lightly blushing bride.
“Hey. Watcha doin?”
“I was just getting up from a nap.”
“Have you done anything today besides bring me lunch, take a nap and watch West Wing?”
Not wanting the wife to feel bad I keep my response to “yeah.”
“Ok. Well, I’m going to a rep lunch for the rest of the day. Can you pick me up at 5?”
“Yes’m miss daisy.”
“Nothing. I said I’ll try not to be so lazy. See you at 5.”
3:15 pm – Emily likes to come home to a clean house, so I clean the bathroom folding the towels and clothes “hotel style” the way she likes, scrub and swiff, dust, vacuum, rotate the cushions, do the dishes, scrub the sink, light a few candles and put a bottle of wine in the fridge.
4:45 pm – Leave to pick up Emily.
THAT, my friends, is a day in the life of a pilot on reserve