It is really only a mere flash in the proverbial pan, but I figure turning 25 is significant. And when I say significant, I mean “gosh, I may have to give up plucking the grays and just dye it all.” Oh loofah.

So let’s review my life.

Day 1: That was one heck of a day. It went something like this: Ow ow ow ow ow ow. ::Silence:: Blinding light. Blurry faces. Someone spanked my booty. Wah wah wah.

Ha. Day one sounds like day 8,337. ::ahem::

Day 59: Things are coming into focus. I’m cuter than I once thought. I like food.

Day 402: Working on balance. Athletic prowess seems to evade me. I like food. A lot. Now, if only I had teeth…

Day 967: They brought a little chubby Irish man home. How quaint.

Day 968: Aha! moment-little chubby Irish man is actually my little sister. Gotcha. Give me back the Guiness.

Day 2374: Parental units continued to multiply. “Just add water.” Yeah. Right. New baby has hose attachment. Brilliant!

Day 2744: Violent encounter with pavement resulted in the extrication of a few teeth.

Day 2744 – later in the day: Mom was kicked out of dentist office for being “crazy.”

Day 3892: Life changing video explains how Day 1 started. Highly disturbing. Still sorting it out on day 9130 – manuevering seems particularly complicated.

Day 4254: Mom’s midlife crisis results in pregnancy and puppy. Dad gets a hot sports car. Dad 1, Mom 0.

Day 4354: Mom has baby. Puppy is dumbest dog ever. Dad 0, Mom 0, Puppy 1.

Day 5840: Eligable for driver’s license. Hello world.

Day 5940ish: Became a Christian. Sweet.

Day 6130: Started college. Yeah, that’s right. Big city, here I come.

Day 6230: Met husband. It was totally love at first sight. Which is why we didn’t date until day 7915. I have that effect.

Day 7915ish: Graduated from college. Let Frank date me. Lucky dawg. (sucker)

Day 8336: Got married.

Day 8337: See Day 1.

Day 9129: See Day 1.

Thank you.