Up and Down, Up and Down

If life is an amusement park and we are all rides–I am a rollercoaster. Up and down. Up and Down. But not in a boring circle like carosels. No, no. Never the same track twice.

Of course, if you think about the logistics of creating a never-ending rollercoaster, you will wear yourself out. Which would give you and me something in common.

As previously mentioned on this blogger, I have been working insane hours. I like what I do, I find it very interesting. The thought of doing something else that is just a boring 9-5 go-nowhere kind of job actually makes me want to cry. But in order to have an interesting, intriguing career–it seems I need to forego a social life and only make friends with the people on the otherside of my rather thin cube wall.

I sure hope not. I’m pretty cool with the “work hard/play hard” thing. At first, I was not too keen on staying late and working weekends. But after several months of “boot camp,” I suddenly find myself asking the question, “Well, what would I do if I was home anyway?”

That is really the first part of the process of becoming fully submerged in the corporate culture here. The next part of the process can include (but not in all cases) wild, crazy mood swings, sleep deprivation and mild client-agency abuse that results in a wacky personality. This wacky personality wants to be “cool” and “hip” and everyone’s friend, but is torn because it likes numbers, statistics and needs to be a *itch to survive. You have to put up walls, monitor what you say and assume that everyone is holding back their “best offer.” You become isolated, paranoid and an all-consumed hunter of said “best offer.” You take anyone and everyone down a twisted road of negotiations until you’re not even sure what it is you really wanted and what a good deal is.

Occasionally I have found really great directors here–I have one now. I hope to be more like her. But every day I stay on this account and do the same thing I have done for the past year and a half, the more apt I am to become a product of my client and my previous directors. I don’t think that I need to have these walls and personality disorders to succeed here–but there is so much craziness and ickiness in this environment, it’s nearly unavoidable.

Maybe it’s possible to become the hippest, coolest number crunchin’, math lovin’ fool there is without developing a bizarre twitch and permanent personality problems.

But right now I am babbling and I will stop now.


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