Marriage

in just about one month…

/ emmykay / 3 Comments

we will celebrate our six year wedding anniversary.

SIX. YEARS.

our first kiss as husband and wife

our first kiss as husband and wife

It’s at this point I’d like to just point out we were 16 when we got married.

Ahem.

So six years ago, Frank was texting me, telling me that he broke his arm (he didn’t) and that he would need a cast (he didn’t). And I was thinking, “Crud, he’s going to have to hide his arm in all of our wedding photos.”  Good thing that Frank was just playing a joke (good thing…).

And we were having our bridal showers and final dress fittings and getting our marriage license.

It was such a rich, vibrant time in my life – but also fast and busy.  So many things in my life were changing at break-neck speeds, it was hard to keep things organized.  And often we didn’t keep things organized.

In the midst of Frank and I starting our new life together, my grandfather passed away.  My grandfather gave me a great appreciation for strong male personalities.  I find myself drawn to men with bigger-than-life-personalities and even larger opinions.   Meanwhile, my dad’s strong, but very diplomatic and wise personality was a nice balance for my grandfather’s influence.  In many ways, Frank is the perfect blend of the two men.

While my parents’ marriage is it’s own great love story, and I love it, my grandparent’s love story was legendary.

They met when Nani was 11 and Papa was 14.  Papa’s mom made him share part of his candy bar with Nani.  Knowing Papa’s sweet tooth, this was no small sacrifice.

When Papa was a teenager, he went off to fight in World War II.  He didn’t speak much of his time there, but when he did, he was very emotional.  When he came home, he went to a New Year’s Eve party and Nani was there.  Nani was a model and I always imagined that there was a halo of perfect lighting wherever she went.  That night, several young men were vying for her attention and it wasn’t until midnight that my grandfather finally won the battle for Nani.  He wasted no time – that night they set a date for their wedding and they were married on June 12 of that new year.  (6 month long engagements are genetic, I guess)

Their love affair never faded.  Vibrant, passionate – their love affair simply evolved and grew over the years.  They loved to have a good time, throw a big party, surround themselves with friends and family.  As a little girl, I remember catching them smooching in the kitchen and holding hands.  It always seemed fresh and sweet.

They argued, absolutely.  I don’t know any couples that don’t argue.

On June 12th, 2003, they celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary.  I was in another room while they ate breakfast together and heard Nani say to Papa, “How did you love me all of these years?”  And he answered back simply and plainly, “Because I just do.”

Less than a month later, Papa passed away in his sleep.  I had dreaded that moment for years and years prior to it actually happening.  As a little girl, when I became aware of their intensity for each other and then became aware of death, I always hoped that they would die together so that they wouldn’t have to know any days separated from one another.  I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true.  They were each other’s entire world, and when Papa passed away, Nani’s heart was totally broken.

She made it another three years and just around Valentine’s Day, she passed away.  I suppose, as my Uncle Steve pointed out, it was only fitting.

And so what does their love story have to do with Frank’s and my love story?  Oh, many things I believe.  They made a decision, every day, to love one another.  They managed to do what so many others fail to do: turn around previous generations’ issues of alcoholism and infidelity.  Their love was powerful enough to clean the slate of what they inherited from their families so that their children wouldn’t grow up in a broken home.  They taught my mom what to look for in a mate and she, in turn, passed that along to me.

It wasn’t perfectly executed, but it was love.

In the midst of Frank and I planning our wedding, we stopped to remember Papa and Nani’s marriage and love story when Papa passed away.

My father-in-law likes to talk about the giants in our lives.  The people who came before us, on whose shoulders we stand.  The people who taught us to love big or go home.  The people who courageously, bravely, and selflessly made daily sacrifices because they thought more of their legacy and future generations, than of themselves.

Frank and I have been married for almost six years.  We faced some difficult challenges together.  We enjoyed some of the sweetest times.  We argue and snuggle – often within the same 15 minutes.

Frank is an amazing husband.  He is kind to me when I am upset.  He is gentle, even when I am fiery.  He is strong when I crumble.  He is generously affectionate, even when I make myself busy to enjoy it.  He is wise and seeks to be wiser.  He is a great leader, yet he often just walks alongside me.  He is my favorite person, my best friend, and my lover.

Six down, forty-four to go.  I hope we leave the kind of legacy in the lives of our family and friends that would make God and the giants proud.

This much, always.

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ATL

/ emmykay / 1 Comment

Well, here I am in sunny ATL. It’s not really sunny-it is grey and overcast, but that’s ok. My flight yesterday was oversold and since I fly luxurious standby, I did not make my flight (but my bag did…).

This weekend we drove down to ATL from CHI. We started out in a very cold chicago and ended in a greener and warmer atlanta.

It is hard to leave frank in atl, but I feel so blessed that we were able to get such a long piece of time together, especially over the holiday. The holidays are always hard for me if I have to go alone.

We talked a little about the current instability of the airline biz and how much better it would have been 20 yrs ago. But we determined that there were really only a few pilots who had entire stable careers and solid retirements. The kind of stability that is often talked about from the 1950s seems to me to be no more than a myth. Many pilots who got into the biz 20 yrs ago in the hay-day, slowly watched their pensions and respect and salaries slowly melt away. And yet instead of working to repair the public and corporate image of pilots, some of these unions argue about silly, inconsequential things. The public airing of dirty laundry hasn’t done much for the airlines and managements images, either. Large management bonuses and the continuous focus on airfare wars has helped create a de-humanizing or commoditizing (new word?) of an entire industry. By allowing the conversation to become about dollars and not total consumer experience, the airlines lost significant ground. And the public became privvy to awkard marital spats btwn the pilots and the management, both groups responsible for overspending the house budget on purses and beer. So, to make a long story longer, the the illusion of a better time is a lie. Much of what we are dealing with has been perpetually unraveling and the conversation must be about moving forward and not about restitution. Going back is not an option, but learning from our past is imperative.

Which, I suppose, is true of all situations.

I also have been thinking a lot about the word happy. The pursuit of mere happiness seems to be trivial and empty and temporary. The idea of pursuing happiness is, to me, one of the greatest lies told to this generation: if you pursue what you believe will make you happy, then you will be. I think that if you pursue short term happiness, the result is disappointment in the long run. I have found routinely that when I don’t get what I think I want when I want it, I am often more pleased in the long run. I think this is because I often believe that how things are right now will continue forever, unchanged. When I notice that I am thinking of life that way, I am full of anxiety and disappointment. True happiness, as frank always reminds me, is finding joy right now.

So that is what I am working on: finding the joy in the right now through God and remembering that we are not promised tommorrow. Not a solution for the pilot grp, but at least something that helps me get through today 🙂

happy anniversary

/ emmykay / 1 Comment

It’s hard to believe that 5 years have passed since we were married.

I remember not too long ago, friends of my parents would visit and say things like, “I can’t believe how old you are!” and “It seems like just yesterday!” I had no context for that kind of statement. It was just another thing that old people said as they pinched my cheeks and patted my head.

And yet, here I am with graying hair and 5 years of marital bliss under my belt.

Surely, it has not all been bliss. We realized (after we lived it) that the first year was the hardest in terms of adjusting to living together. Since that first year, we’ve had many trials and challenges. Most of what we’ve been through would have happened, regardless of whether or not we were married, but because of our relationship, we weathered those things much better than we would have as separate solo acts.

When we were first married, Frank would often talk about our marriage as being on a launching pad. We laid the foundation and we were in the process of stocking our little space shuttle. Around year 2, we launched. Unfortunately, we’ve recently found ourselves in an asteroid belt of sorts, trying to navigate in a place where the terrain is a bit dicey. Yes, I know, sort of a lame analogy, but it’s the best I can do right now.

Frank has been my best friend and the most loyal partner I could ever imagine. When he is gone, I long for him and when he is home, I love to snuggle next to him. Even when times are rough and nothing seems to be going as we would hope, I know we will get through it.

We spent Friday night in Chicago. We wandered up State Street (that great street!). We saw the Trump tower and various other land marks. We ate at a lovely Spanish restaurant called 1492. We walked back and took a picture with random people on a bridge in Chicago. No idea who these people are, but we will forever be in their digital roll of film. 🙂 Immortalized as “those tall people.” Does it get any better?

Our life is interesting. We love what we do and urge each other on. We are each other’s cheerleaders and biggest fans. At the end of our lives, I know we will smile and be glad for all of the adventures. In many ways, we have taken the road less traveled with our careers and extracurricular activities.

I thank God for this wonderful marriage and adventure. I think I can safely say that it has never been boring.

I love you, FK. TM, A.

atl to mdw or mke

/ emmykay / Leave a comment

Another weekend has gone by too quickly. FK and I spent the weekend in lovely ATL. I got in around 7:30 on Friday night. We ate some cereal for dinner and saw Hancock with a friend and then went to drinks afterward. We didn’t get home and into bed until 1:30 a.m. and then I slept until somewhere around 11 a.m. Oh boy.

We lounged, napped, watched Arrested Development and then met up with some friends at this wonderful little pizzeria called Grand Central Pizza. Yum! We probably ate more than we should, but it was worth it for their pizza. Then we came home and watched The Other Boleyn Sister or girl, I’m not sure. It was good to see Natalie Portman in something where she does more than change costumes and look mopey (see Star Wars).

The big decision tonight is to determine which airport I will be flying into tomorrow. It looks like AT oversold a bunch of flights and so instead of lovely MKE, I will be due into MDW. Fun times!

I like visiting FK in ATL because we get a lot of time to just hang out. We don’t have a whole lot to do, other than wait for a phone call for FK to go flying. As a result, we get to really enjoy eachother’s company without much of a care in the world. It’s interesting to see how, even in things that I sometimes don’t very much like, God blesses us. He is good, all the time.